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Poetry
Samoća
By B.D.
06 January 2007
Loneliness & love go hand-in-hand? (Read to understand.)

They went away when you came and they

came back the moment you walked away.


They, being a rock on the road;

a teardrop in the snow, frozen in the cold.


They, being a cloud in the sky.

They, being the tears that I cry.


They, being the darkness that's inside.

They, being the feelings I can't hide.


So if you really want to know and really care,

come and talk to me...if you dare.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6635 comments posted) 5th January 2007
I've tried, I really have, but I can't care enough to take the end of this seriously. It could be my lack of intellect - very probable - but this doesn't build enough gravitas for me to make the whole thing work. Sorry. 
 
Phil.
ah...
Written by B.D. (82 comments posted) 5th January 2007
It's not meant to be too serious, honestly. Sure, it's a "love" poem but it's based on a high school "love" and those are never serious so...

Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 5th January 2007
I'm afraid I have to agree with Phil on this one. It started off quite nicely, lovely ideas, but the end sort of crashed for me - it doesn't fit in with the rest.  
 
Again though, some nice ideas and imagery. 
 
E
OK so what if I...
Written by B.D. (82 comments posted) 5th January 2007
Since it's not working...what if I take out the last stanza & replace it with: 
They, all together, waiting for you now. 
Come, and comfort me somehow.

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