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By B.D.
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06 January 2007 |
Loneliness & love go hand-in-hand? (Read to understand.) They went away when you came and they
came back the moment you walked away.
They, being a rock on the road;
a teardrop in the snow, frozen in the cold.
They, being a cloud in the sky.
They, being the tears that I cry.
They, being the darkness that's inside.
They, being the feelings I can't hide.
So if you really want to know and really care,
come and talk to me...if you dare.
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Written by Phil (6635 comments posted) 5th January 2007 | I've tried, I really have, but I can't care enough to take the end of this seriously. It could be my lack of intellect - very probable - but this doesn't build enough gravitas for me to make the whole thing work. Sorry. Phil. | ah... Written by B.D. (82 comments posted) 5th January 2007 | | It's not meant to be too serious, honestly. Sure, it's a "love" poem but it's based on a high school "love" and those are never serious so... | Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 5th January 2007 | I'm afraid I have to agree with Phil on this one. It started off quite nicely, lovely ideas, but the end sort of crashed for me - it doesn't fit in with the rest. Again though, some nice ideas and imagery. E | OK so what if I... Written by B.D. (82 comments posted) 5th January 2007 | Since it's not working...what if I take out the last stanza & replace it with: They, all together, waiting for you now. Come, and comfort me somehow. |
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