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Poetry
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Sandy Fingers
By JourneyAtNight
06 January 2007
The rhyming isn't great - Thought I might as well give it a go though.


Warm and sandy dunes
Sinuous where I lay,
Comfort and console me
As I dream away the day.

Honey-glazed grains
Snuggle in the lines of my palms,
Embracing my every secret
Seeing all that I am.

Nothing else can touch me here
As I lay without a care,
It’s just me and sandy fingers
Building castles in the air.

Reviews

Written by rilLie (327 comments posted) 6th January 2007
the imagery and the words are beautiful. :grin I liked this a lot. :grin greatwriting. 
 
rilLie

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 6th January 2007
Liked the idea behind this, but I'm with you on the rhyme/rhythm, I think it's a little too jaunty for the piece. 
Loved Honey-glazed grains It's stuck in my head since last night when I first read this. 
 
Phil.

Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 6th January 2007
Nice lightweight piece. Like Phil, "honey-glazed grains" stands out. 
 
Perhaps "lie" rather than "lay"? 
 
Oli

Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 6th January 2007
rilLie - thankyou, you're very kind!:) 
 
Phil - Yes, I might re-write it without the rhyme. I started without it, but then found that I had written the second stanza in rhyme unintentionally and so decided to tweak the rest. Bad idea though I think, never good to force rhyme. 
 
Oli - yes probably would be better...as I mentioned, I was trying too hard to make things fit! 
 
Thanks everyone, 
 
E

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 9th January 2007
Some lovely imagery in here. Dont think you needed to try and make it rhyme - it's made you do some funny things with it! Honey-glazed grains is great as are the last two lines 
 
Elli

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