I like to think that I am good at my job and work hard for a living stuffing dead insects and mounting them in rather beautiful show cases. I live on my own in the smallest town in England and am usually up to no good, tell lies and cause all sorts of trouble, yes, I'm a bit of a joker really, a fun sort of a guy! If you know of any rare or brightly coloured insects that you could tell me about I would be very grateful, I am always on the look out for some thing out of the ordinary.

In my shed I make friends out wood and talk to them and feed them on orange peel and currant biscuits, I can rely on them to keep a secret, they never let me down or do nasty things behind my back. My friends and I sometimes go out for meals together, we usually go to my favourite pub, it’s old fashioned and very cosy, we’re always given a table in a dimly lit room (we take a torch with us so that we can see what we’re eating) in one of the out houses.

Recently I’ve been considering taking on an assistant to help me with some new projects that I’m about to start, the applicant must be keen and not be frightened of getting a bit mucky (recycled overalls will be provided), I can't give any more than that away at the moment or it would spoil the element of surprise.

On a Tuesday I wear a pale lemon frock and purple sling back sandals, I have lots of different hair clips and pretty bows to wear, I feel that I am a lucky person and wouldn't change a single thing, well perhaps only one thing, I would love a new pink apron that I could keep for special occasions. My best friend's name is Shirley and he rides a huge motor bike, some times he lets me on the back and tells me to hold on very tight as we race up and down the High Street at 30 mph, it's such a thrilling experience. Shirley and I go shopping for dresses together, we usually end up arguing though, he always wants to get the same one as me, but more often than not I get my own way, I know just how to get round him, Shirley tends to give in a bit too easily these days.

I used to have a very intelligent and pleasant girl friend, we lived together for a few years but I was consistently nasty to her, if I wasn’t ignoring, picking on or having a go at her I was usually being most inconsiderate and vile mannered. Eventually it all came to a head and she had me moved into the loft, she persuaded me that this was the best thing for all concerned and that the roof area was by far the most comfortable part to inhabit. Shortly after I’d settled in she had a dangerously narrow metal stair case built onto the out side of the building, it was strategically placed at a spot where gale force winds were a regular feature, was only two feet wide and had no support railings to hold on to, I thought at the time (and still do) what a very kind gesture this was on her part. I have only ever had two accidents on it to date, the first one I fell straight down on to the paving slabs directly underneath (quite lucky really) and the other involved my hair getting caught on one of the steps as I tripped and rolled down, I was suspended there for four and a half hours until Shirley called round for his Friday evening manicure. The whole set up is very convenient for her as she never has to see my face again, just put up with the constant dull pacing noise that I make up on the floor boards above her during the night. I listen to her shrieking and giggling down stairs with her friends, they know I am ‘not quite right’ and so, take full advantage of the situation, I am so lucky to have such wonderful people around me!