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By bloodange77
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08 January 2007 |
I wrote this for my boyfriend. Ethan. hehehe Do you love me? I love you. Can you see me? I can see you. Will you keep me? I want to keep you. Am I your only love? You are mine. |
Written by fellpony (1507 comments posted) 8th January 2007 | An intriguingly simple piece! It can be read two ways; self to self, privately, as obsession; or as a duologue, sharing love freely.
That final line is very ambiguous too ... "you are my only love" or "you are MINE" as a statement of possession ... Whether you meant it to be so or not, you have achieved a subtle piece here in minimal words.
I like this the best of your three pieces posted at the same time.
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Written by Phil (6387 comments posted) 8th January 2007 | Having read your three poems, I've come to a similar conclusion to fellpony. I prefer this of the three, but to be honest find them all lacking depth and development. The second has some very odd punctuation.
I find it hard to offer any help as I'm not much of a poet. Perhaps if you explored the ideas you've written about from different perspectives and write beyond the surface I'd like them better.
This may only be my reaction. Sorry to be negative. Just an honest review.
Phil.
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Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3136 comments posted) 9th January 2007 | Perhaps your boyfriend is the only one who should comment on this
J | Perhaps.
Written by bloodange77 (38 comments posted) 30th January 2007 | I take these comments into concideration. I will try to revise it and make it better. I know I can. Although nothing is ever perfect for perfection is just an illusion of the mind, body, and soul. I appreciate the comments.  |
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