Great Writing - Home > Poetry > Round Old Man
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 2050 guests online and 8 members online
Poetry
Round Old Man
By amanda4uk
08 January 2007
Out on the bench he sits,

beside the Chemist shop,

he’s there, every day,

on his own, just sitting.

Matted, grey hair, like an ancient

woven hat, frames his telling face.

His skin, like a worn out old

brown over coat, thick,

weathered and creased.

The round old man,

wearing dirty clothes

and eating ice cream.

He smiles at every body,

No one notices,

they walk on past,

they always do.

Reviews

Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 8th January 2007
OK OK! I'll stop sitting there if it bothers you! I'm trying to build up the courage to go in to the chemist and buy some condoms actually, but I keep crapping out at the last minute and asking for ice cream instead! Eating bloody ice cream? At this time of year? I tell you, that is a good way to cool one's ardour! 
 
This is an OK sort of effort. What is "telling" about his face? Everybody & overcoat are both single words. Why shouldn't people walk past? I, oops I mean he, probably just wants left in peace to finish his cornetto. 
 
Not too shoddy, but can do better! 
 
Oli :)

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 8th January 2007
'Telling face' brought me up short. 'Telling what?' I thought. With Oli on this one - and he should go to ASDA - cheaper than the chemist. 
 
Phil.

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item