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Huge Deposit of Money Found in West Durham Coalfield |
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By Livinginanattic
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08 January 2007 |
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A massive seam of money has been discovered in County Durham.
The deposit was found by building workers who were excavating the foundations for a new factory. The site near Durham City is owned by the Japanese pet food company, Tiggerchunks.
An eyewitness reports: "The lads were drilling through some rock and suddenly there was money everywhere, we didn't know what was going on. We collected as much as we could and reported it to the boss." Most of the workers have not been seen since, despite the "generous" offer of a £200 bonus.
There are estimated to be many billions of pounds worth of crisp £20 notes, which the company's radiometric dating techniques show were laid down in the Carboniferous period. Amazingly, the Bank of England has confirmed the notes are legal tender in the UK.
A huge security operation has been mounted to protect the find. A private security firm is using guard dogs and, more controversially, armed guards and ant-personnel mines. In contrast the extraction process couldn't be simpler. "A simple money-grab will suffice", said a spokesperson for Tiggerchunks. "We just lift the money and take it to the bank."
The Treasury has commented that the release of such a large amount of money into the UK economy could have a significant inflationary impact. "The company will only be granted a permit to extract limited quantities for scientific purposes." It is thought this could be worth up to £300 million a year.
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Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 8th January 2007 | This is very funny. 'Anti-personnel' mines is a fine touch. My only criticism is that 'Tiggerchunks' is far too apropos a name for catfood for a Japanese company to come up with. Japanese catfood brands would be called something off-the-wall such as 'Lovely Pet' or 'Nyaonyao.' 'Tiggerchunks' is such a good name for catfood that you either are a copywriter or should be one. | Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 9th January 2007 | I thought this had the makings of a funny piece but fell a bit short for me. It didn't quite leap off the page, maybe needed a few more humourous touches like giving the miners really strong Geordie accents and something more to end with. I hope this doesn't sound carping it was a delightfully surreal idea cheers
| Written by AtticMan ( comments posted) 11th January 2007 | Thanks for your comments, I'm glad you both liked the idea. I'll have to pack in more jokes next time. The anti-personnel mines were an afterthought really. I like the idea of being a copywriter, I'm sure it beats my customer service job any day. Cheers | Nearly there.... Written by woody44 (775 comments posted) 3rd February 2007 | I liked the idea Attic, and it was well written but did lack a bit of `bite`in the way of perhaps nonsense humour..I think a piece has won if it brings a wry smile or a little chuckle to the face of the reader. I think this is the first piece I have seen from you but I will certainly keep my eye open for future offerings.. happy writing Woody | Written by AtticMan ( comments posted) 3rd February 2007 | | Thanks Woody, I can see what you and BBS mean. I'm new to this type of writing and I've made a few false starts, but should post a follow-up soon. Cheers. |
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