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By Talisker
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08 January 2007 |
Something a little experimental and different (for me). Tonight there is no sky. Peer overhead - be drawn into a deep nothingness. From the void, black rain in ceaseless satin sheets, turns road and pavement to obsidian mirrors. Orange streetlight challenges the stygian gloom and is devoured. This is the night of the succubus. Oli 08/01/07 |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 8th January 2007 | I do think poets should be forbidden from using certain cliched words and stygian is one of them. I'm sure the poets here will love this because it sounds so poetically profound but it doesn't really say anything does it -but as you say it's an experiment.
cheers
J |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 8th January 2007 | What I want to know is (like most red blooded males I assume) is what happens to the 'victim' after she's had her wicked way with him.
I can see what BBS is getting at. I think I must have read this differently to her though. (and possibly differently to how you intended - nothing new there for me) When I got to the end I felt I'd read the introduction to a piece of narrative verse. I don't know if you're allowed to write narrative verse without rhyming. If not, you could be the first Oli.
Loved the opening three lines. I do like a bit of imperative in my poetry.
Overall, as an experiment - I'm want the rest of it - please.
Sorry to ramble. All the best, Phil. | Different suffering
Written by patterjack (1194 comments posted) 8th January 2007 | Though male , I fear the incubus rather than the succubus -- but if i gotta go , let me go with a smile on my face.
And i am reminded of the hour of the wolf -- 3 am
patterjack |
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 9th January 2007 | BBS - Stygian - perhaps you are right -I'm not really a poet per se, just an idiot who tries to write. As for "not saying anything" that is your opinion, it speaks to me of fear, darkness, nightmares. I had in mind the line from Burns' "Tam o' Shanter"
"Sic nights a chiel could understand,
the Deil had business on his hand"
The primeval link between foul weather and evil doings.
Phil - glad you saw some merit in this. "Allowed"? - who is going to stop me? Perhaps it is a fault of mine that I recognise no rules. I have been attacked elsewhere for writing in non-standard forms - some traditionalists fin it positively offensive to break "the established rules" - I try to do it in my writing, my gardening and my cooking (to Weasel's great peril!)
Brian - Incubus/Succubus perhaps you are right - but somehow the female form is more terrifying to me - that may say something about my misogyny - maybe thats why BBS keeps attacking me! 
Thanks all!
Oli |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 9th January 2007 | OK I take responsibity for my lack of insight. I meant it didn't say anything to me, of course. I only said that because your recent poems have done. I notice only critical reviews provoke a reposte. I thought I could be honest with you.And at least I give you the courtesy of a review
cheers
J | oooh oli
Written by no1butClo (337 comments posted) 6th April 2007 | I love it!
For some reason I want to read 'ceaseless' as 'careless'
it's subtle...but very sexy and gothic...like it |
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