I did the extra shift and Kev gave me the cash straight afterwards which was lucky really as there was only a dribble of petrol left in the car and no prospect of any other money to spend on filling it up. During the early evening I was chatting to one of the regulars, Jim, the kind of punter that rolls in about 5 o'clock for a swift pint on the way home and drives home two hours and six pints later. He's not usually the most coherent of blokes, holding a conversation with him is a challenge at the best of times. I try to nod in what I think are appropriate places and let him talk to himself - more like a monologue with some audience participation, which suits me and he seems to be perfectly happy with the arrangement. That night, however, he kept trying to tell me something, he was more insistent than usual that I understood what he was saying and the neutral nods didn't seem to be getting me anywhere. Mind you, having a conversation with anybody whilst you're trying to serve customers is a bit tricky. He managed to corner me halfway through the night when I'd popped out the front for a fag.

'Hey Johnnie. You shouldn't smoke you know, it's terrible bad for your health.'

It took me a little while to digest this statement, Jim really does talk like he's chewing on a mouth full of gravel. Eventually I got there,

'Want one do you?'

'Wouldn't say no.'

I passed him the packet in silence, hoping he'd go away and leave me in peace.

'You want a light too I suppose?'

'Wouldn't say no.'

I chucked my lighter over to him, he missed it and I felt bad to see him scrabbling on the concrete.

'Let me get that. There you go, sorted.'

'Thanks.'

'Anytime. Anything else I can do for you?'

I let myself in for it there, Jim's not great on the subtleties of conversation, he tends to take every comment at face value which can land the conversation in some interesting places if you're not careful.

'I think my wife's having an affair Johnnie.'

That was more information than I really wanted, I didn't even know he had a wife and, to be honest, married to Jim who wouldn't want to have an affair?

'Why do you think that Jim?'

''Cos his cars always parked outside the bloody house, that's why.'

'Always?'

'Whenever I'm home.'

'You think you're wife is having an affair with a bloke who only comes around when you're at home?'

'Yep.'

'Well, what does the car look like? Have you seen it before? Could it be a neighbour's?'

'It's grey, like mine, same make and everything, different numberplate though. She's having it off with a bloke who's even got the same car as me.'

'What's the number plate then?'

'H454 EST'

'That's your number plate isn't it?'

'No, mine starts with M.'

I peered over into the corner of the car park.

'Nope Jim, that's your number plate.'

He wandered over to check, studying the number plate from several angles.

'Well I'll be...You're right kid.'

'Time to go home isn't it Jim?'

He threw me a look of disgust but got into his car and reversed out, tossing his beer glass to me on the way. Unfortunately for me, it was still half full - which in itself was odd, Jim is an expert at nursing an empty glass, they don't stay full for long when he's around. I spent the rest of the night with beer sodden trousers and was glad when the shift ended. I got into the car to head home via Tesco in my still damp trousers that stank of stale beer and fags. I thought about popping home to change but it was already 12.30 by the time I left so I gambled on Mum and Dad being in bed long since and decided not to bother. I've still got a house key, well two actually but as I don't know where one of them is it doesn't count. Another thing I'm hoping Mum  doesn't find out about or she'll insist on having all of the locks changed, at great hassle and expense probably. It'll be in the flat somewhere so I don't worry about it too much. The journey home is so much easier late at night, it only takes twenty minutes when you can pop down the motorway. Trouble is the motorway's usually stationary and heading down all the back roads takes forever.

It took me ages to park the car when I arrived. The drive isn't big enough for more than two cars and people park all down both sides of the road so it took a fair bit of circling before I found a space that I could just about park in. Trying to wedge the car between two others isn't my favourite activity. I know blokes are supposed to be good at parking and desperate for a chance to show off our superior spatial awareness but honestly I'd rather let someone else do it. I always hit the bumber of at least one of the cars on the way in, generally the one with a hyper-sensitive car alarm fitted. Tonight was no exception, having remembered to turn off the radio to avoid waking the neighbours I bumped one of the cars on the way in and the sound of sirens filled the air. It wasn't a big deal, I come home regularly enough that they're used to it. When I was living at home it was a running joke whenever anyone's car alarm went off that I was probably trying to park. Mind you, two doors down the road were laughing on the other side of their faces when someone did nick their car and they'd assumed it was me knocking into their bumper.

I walked up the path to find the front door open and Dad leaning on it.

'Heard you coming. Good to see you, how're things?'

'OK Dad, not bad at all. You're up late.'

'Told your mother I'd stay up until you got in. It was the only way to stop her fussing, you know how she gets.'

'Sorry Dad, I'd have got back earlier if I could.'

'Not to worry, I've been watching the Matrix films.'

I'd bought him the box set last Christmas - knowing him this was the first time he'd got around to watching them.

'Enjoy them?'

'First one was OK, second was incomprehensible drivel and unnecessary sex scenes. Third one was good though. You'd better get upstairs and change before your mother smells the beer and fags through the whole house. You know she can sniff a cigarette through a three foot concrete wall.'

We'd both found this out to our cost in the past. I'm sure Dad knows that I work in the pub, I don't know how but he hasn't told Mum so I'm grateful for that at least.

'If you chuck the trousers down the stairs I'll bung them in the washing machine before I go to bed and we can get them out in the morning. I fed your mother a few gin and tonics this evening so it'll probably be lunchtime tomorrow before we see her. Thought me and you could take Danny swimming?'

'OK, cheers Dad. How is Danny? He didn't spend the evening in front of the window did he?'

'No, you're alright son. I dug the next series of Star Trek out of the loft for him, lots of fighting in it, we haven't heard a peek out of him all evening.'

That sounded about right, there's nothing Danny likes more than a good battle, the more blood and guts the better. Mind you, I was the same at his age so I guess some things don't change.

'I'll bet you didn't. Glad you had a good evening. I'm staying tomorrow and the day after but then I've got to get back. It's really busy at work at the minute.'

'Doesn't matter, your mother's always pleased to see you and Danny will enjoy a bit of company I'm sure.'

I nearly told him about Trish losing her job but decided against it, plenty of time for that and the only thing I really wanted to do at that point was go to sleep.