PAUL

It was a good game of golf; worth the hassle even though it was cold and wet. The lads were in good form as usual, we had a few beers in the clubhouse after the game. It's a regular Saturday afternoon treat, tame by most standards, just a few holes and a couple of pints between mates but that's all there's time for these days. It was different before the kids were born of course, even though we were both working full time and flat out climbing the career ladder at that. Well, Sarah was anyway, I was never too bothered about climbing the higher echelons of my chosen profession - accountancy if you're interested. In some ways it would have made more sense if I had been the one to give up work when Johnnie was born but as soon as Sarah saw him, that was it, no-one else ever stood a chance. So we partied and played away until Johnnie was born and then life slowed down a little and promotion suddenly seemed to be a more pressing concern with a baby to feed and clothe.

We never planned on having more than one baby, Sarah went back to work part time once Johnnie was settled at school and she was planning on gradually increasing her hours over the next few years until she was back working almost full time. Danny's conception caught us both by surprise, we were always careful but, in the event, not careful enough. Sarah didn't show much and luckily didn't suffer too badly from morning sickness so it was several months before we even realised she was pregnant. She was 35 by then and we knew that the risk of having a baby with genetic abnormalities, Down Syndrome in particular,  increases with maternal age. We considered having an amniocentesis test but decided against it in the end; we couldn't, I don't think, have brought ourselves to have the foetus aborted so there seemed little point in having the test. Looking back we fixated on the idea of Down Syndrome with little logical cause, 1 in 350 live births to mothers aged 35 are Down Syndrome babies so the odds were fairly long. Once the mother gets to 45 the figure is 1 in 25, that I wouldn't bet on but 1 in 350 didn't seem so bad. Little did we know the impact that comes from being the 1 in 350.

It hit Sarah hard. It hit us both hard of course, I cried like a baby for days afterwards but one of us had to be pragmatic and start looking after Johnnie properly. He stayed with his Nan and Grandad for the first few days; he didn't understand why but they spoilt him rotten so I think he was happy enough. Sarah was heartbroken, she was discharged from hospital fairly soon after the birth but Danny was kept in rather longer. He was diagnosed with a partial atrioventricular septal defect - quite a common problem in infants with Down Syndrome and one which would require medication and surgery a little further down the line. Very little of this hit home in those first few weeks, we were living on adrenaline, desperately trying to adjust. It changed everything. When Danny came home his room had to be heated and heated until even walking past the door made me break into a sweat. Even at the tropical temperatures that ensued Danny had to lie on and under layers of crocheted blankets. It was months before he could reliably control his own body temperature under normal circumstances. Even now he goes blue very quickly in the swimming pool or any other situation that is anything less than warm.

Sarah barely stirred from that stuffy steaming room, hardly moving from Danny's side in fact. The temperature, combined with constant hand washing , to avoid any risk of Danny developing an infection, cracked the skin on her fingers and palms leaving angry red weals. One of my most vivid memories of those days is of carrying 5 litre bottles of water upstairs  in the hope of getting her to take on anywhere near enough fluid. I don't know how we got through those first couple of months where subsistence consisted almost entirely of cat naps and toast for us and a lot of microwave meals for Johnnie. Looking back now I think Sarah suffered from quite severe post-natal depression but, to my shame, I was too tired to notice at the time.

Anyway, I was late back from golf that afternoon, Sarah and Danny were already home unpacking the Christmas shopping. Danny hurtled out of the front door as I parked, Sarah is terrified he'll end up under the wheel of a car one day. I hope he has more sense than that.

'Hi Dad. Roast chicken for tea. Then Johnnie's coming home.'

Straight to the point, there's never any waiting for social niceties when you're talking to Danny - it can be quite refreshing sometimes. By the look on Sarah's face as she stood in the front doorway watching us, she wasn't sharing that thought. I guessed that Danny had been harping on about Johnny coming home for most of the afternoon and that I wasn't the most popular person in the house either.

'Hey Danny. Have you had a nice afternoon? Roast chicken dinner sounds lovely to me. You might have to wait a while for Johnnie though.' and to Sarah, 'Hi love. Did you get everything you wanted?'

'Most things. The crowds were terrible. Will you find something for Danny to do please? He's not stopped asking when Johnnie's coming home all afternoon.'

'OK, no problem. Do you know when Johnnie is coming back?'

'Not exactly but it'll be late. He says he's working overtime although quite why that means he can't come home until late this evening I don't know.'

'Well I'll dig some more of the Star Trek episodes out of the loft for Danny in that case. That'll keep him busy for a while, stop him sitting in the window all night waiting at any rate.'

Sarah still hasn't worked out that Johnnie works in his local pub rather than doing admin for some boringly large company. He's done a reasonable job of hiding it although only ever phoning home in the middle of the day probably wasn't his greatest idea ever. I found out because I popped in there for a pint and some lunch on the way home from a conference one day. I don't think he saw me and I'm certainly not going to bring it up. I don't quite understand why he doesn't want us to know, it's certainly nothing to be ashamed about. I wish he'd decided to stay on in school, it seems like a wasted opportunity to me not to get an education whilst it's so easy for him to do so. It'll be much harder for him to do it later but if he's not motivated that way I'd far rather he got himself settled and put some cash behind him. I'm not so enamoured of Trish, she's not got enough determination that girl. She's nice enough, a bit full of high ideals which she shares at every available opportunity. She means well I guess but I hope we're not left to pick up the pieces. He's very much in love with her. I'm not sure she feels exactly the same way.