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Poetry
Naked Baked
By vigormortis
11 January 2007
I'm a terrible poet, unless I'm writing about this one particular girl... I try to avoid thinking about her, but she's a muse, if nothing else.


Gripped and thick in wets and sauce

(trust shifts in sugar and salt)

suck your fingers clean and move on,

indebted to brownies imbedded with spite

pernicious cakes glazed and powdered

one fork, one target tongue, one hundred sets of teeth

chew it, instantly masticating,

instigating masturabation.

 

and even while you cooked for me

you looked at him;

butter’s an emulsifier

but her blends were fixed, frosted and fucked.

 

and by the bite, my

precious crush was munched to dust.

 

Reviews

Written by jsyingling (31 comments posted) 10th January 2007
A little loose, but good images. Pick your favorite images and pull them out. You might want to think about structure.. its a bit clumsy. This poem's strength is its images and its language. Find a way to highlight those two things. Don't quite know how a blend is fixed? but damn does that alliteration look good. 
 
Solid effort. 
 
J.

Written by Phil (6838 comments posted) 11th January 2007
It may be that I am missing something. 
 
But... 
 
This seems to be just a collection of vague images that possibly mean something to the writer but not much to me. Particularly when they are all strung together. Yes, it has alliteration, but so does lick Lillian's lolly. Seemingly clever words don't make clever poetry.  
 
Having said that, it might be they're just too clever for this poor soul. 
 
Sorry, Phil.

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