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Poetry
One Night
By creative_novice
15 June 2005

This is one of my first ever pieces of poetry, so to be honest I'm not sure if it will seem quite polished.

I'd be grateful for any comments.......


 

There as I lay, unable to rest,

I gazed across, at her beautiful breast,

I had known her this way, on that night alone,

The following night, I knew she'd be home,

A long way away, that is for sure,

To a place I have never, been before,

 

I know not of love, so of that, I can't speak,

I know only that, she makes me feel weak,

I was sure with a few days I'd be forgotten,

Just because my name was now at the bottom,

Didn't mean that others would not come after,

Like the many who had gone before,

 

Dangerous she was you see,

For from my yearning, I now cannot flee,

I know to call her, would only cause pain,

And that I only have, myself to blame,

I don't see her, the way the others do,

I want her for longer, it's foolish but true,

To me she's more, than what she seems,

To others she is, a perfect dream,

They come, they go, it suits them just fine,

But me, I want her, to be mine,

 

It was never supposed, to be this way,

I never thought, I'd want her to stay,

On my clothes, I still smell her, but it won't be for long,

As they must be washed, so that she'll be gone,

As now I must return, to where I belong,

To the one who loves me, who has done me no wrong,

That night must be erased, never spoken of again,

Or else I'll cause another, a great deal of pain.

 

 

 

Reviews
flawed, but sincere
Written by alandavidpritchard (58 comments posted) 15th June 2005
an honest and simple poem whose rhyme at times seems a bit forced - there are a number of places in which the comma is used unecessarily (across/at stanza one) - yet, despite this, the poem has an engaging candour and a pleasant flow.
who's forbidden love?
Written by Johnny (4 comments posted) 18th October 2006
The author mentions that it's one of his first.  
I feel perhaps he's at the stage in his life when his sexual identity is still uncertain. However he mentions another love; his true love. Perhaps inexperienced with girls - he doesn't see her the way others do. She means more for him, than those who just come and go....  
These are feelings of confusion that I had; I wanted also what I was not capable of even... being pulled the other way - like a dream... the smells, and her memory will just fade away. He returns to his fate. 
 
re- forbidden love?
Written by Johnny (4 comments posted) 18th October 2006
I apologize.... I am reading from the list of alen david prichard, and having read a little about him, directed that knowledge to this poem in error. (I moved from previous poem to next item in what I thought were a list of his poems). 
However gay or not, I still enjoyed the poem! (And assuming you have no sexual identity problems!) 

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