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By Talisker
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11 January 2007 |
This life of mine has formed
in layers of sandy joy and gritty pain
compressed by weight of time.
Fossils of my loves and hates
lie hidden in the strata
of my sedimentary years.
In some distant millennia
a celestial scanner
will read the barcode
of what was me.
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mmm
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 11th January 2007 | I really like the concept behind this one Oli but I found it difficult to get the emotional connection with the piece. I liked 'sedimentary years' and I loved the idea of a barcode record. Thought that 'joy' 'pain' 'love' and 'hate' didn't have the impact that they needed to - they came across a little bland to me maybe because there is no specific context to them.
I think I'm sounding more negative than I mean to be - as I said I really like the idea but this one didn't leap off the page at me as your work so often does. Maybe others will disagree with me! 
Elli |
Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 11th January 2007 | | Intersting idea, scanning the remains and building a picture. I somehow ignored the word 'celestial' the first time I read this, so I was thinking of some high-tech DNA scanning device, but I now presume you had something more poetic in mind. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3351 comments posted) 11th January 2007 | Now you've got me wondering what would be on the barcode, nothing so boring as your DNA but things like poet, heathen, dreamer, impatient,idealist -all the interesting bits that make you what you are.Unlike Elli I thougth this was one most accessible pieces you've written,. I feel so smug when connect with a poem.
cheers
J |
Written by francoise (129 comments posted) 11th January 2007 | i really liked this.. particularly the first line and the closing verse. Quite different to your usuall style, i like the metaphorical technique and the focus on one particular image working through the whole piece.
the themes of love and hate worked well for me, it made me curious about you, your life and what it is that needs to be excavated in order to learn about your life story:-)
A lovely read.
Fran |
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 11th January 2007 | This was very different to some of your pieces, but not all. I love the first two verses. The layers, the strata, the sedimentary years - excellent for me.
I understand the idea of the final verse but I just can't get the picture of that rectangular pattern of black stripes out of my head. I keep forcing myself to think of exposed cliff faces and such like - but those bloody stripes keep coming back. Mental loop. Or just loopy.
Again, first two verses - excellent.
Phil. |
Written by rilLie (327 comments posted) 14th January 2007 | | interesting idea... ;D |
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