Swimming was a great success, as it generally is, Danny's a real water baby. The first few times we took him he was very suspicious, as with all new experiences, it took him a while to assimilate the idea into his world. He soon changed his mind though and started to enjoy himself as long as we were careful to keep his head above water. Any suggestion of water on his face tended to prompt a lungful of the stuff and a blue, shaking, screaming child, inconsolable until we removed him from the pool. A bit more confidence and a fair number of flotation devices soon solved that problem. A few years down the line and the armbands have gone and the problem now is getting him out of the water, generally accomplished by bribery with sweet treats.

I try and take him swimming every week, it means I have to leave work early but it's difficult for Sarah to take him now. When he was younger it wasn't a problem, she took him into the ladies changing rooms with her but that's much more difficult now, whatever his developmental age, he's firmly stuck in the body of a teenager and insatiably curious about his own and other people's bodies. It would be easier if the disabled changing facilities were better but you still have to walk through the main changing rooms to get to the pool and they're quite cramped. Last time Danny and Sarah went swimming he pulled the red emergency cord and they had a member of staff knocking on the door, all prepared to break in and rescue someone who had fallen off the loo. Sarah was so embarrassed. Danny thought the whole business was hilarious, it was hard for either of us to keep a straight face long enough to tell him off.

I tried to get more information out of Johnnie in the car on the way home but he proved unusually evasive. Danny was quieter than usual, tired out and absorbed in watching the world go by out of the car window.

'Do you enjoy working in the pub then?'

'It's OK. Hard work and long hours mind but it's quite sociable.'

'What's the pay like?'

'Not great but better than nothing. I'm bringing in a decent enough wage at the moment with the overtime and all.'

'Did you ever think about decreasing your hours and doing some training for something else? There must be lots of things you're interested in.'

'I'd like to one day. It's difficult though at the moment, the rent on the flat is expensive.'

'Even with two incomes? Your mother and I would help you out if you needed it you know.'

'I know but we don't want to be a burden and I don't want to take money off you. It was our decision to move out and all that so we've got to get on with it.'

'You're bloody stubborn, you know that?'

'Wonder where I get that from?'

'Well, I've had rather longer to work out that being stubborn isn't always being sensible.'

'So you're not stubborn anymore?'

'Not unreasonably so.'

'So why couldn't you reschedule golf to look after Danny whilst Mum went shopping?'

'There's such a thing as being too sharp you know. But OK, point conceded I guess.'

'Thanks. So gracious in defeat.'

'Defeat? I don't think so, merely a temporary set back. You know you can tell me whatever it is that's bothering you about Trish?'

'That obvious?'

'It's written all over your face I'm afraid.'

'Got to get better at hiding it.'

Silence for a while and then,

'Thanks Dad.'

I left it at that, figured he'd tell me what was going on some time soon, he never has been very good at keeping secrets for more than a couple of days. He likes to have a little bit of time to get his head around the fact that he's going to tell you something but it generally comes out in the end. We passed the rest of the journey in companionable silence, interspersed with a few comments from Danny on other cars and my driving skills. It was approaching lunchtime when we arrived home but the upstairs curtains were still drawn. I'd expected Sarah to be up by then and she always draws the curtains after breakfast so it struck me as odd, Johnnie noticed it too.

'Would have expected Mum to be up by now.'

'Me too. Maybe she's feeling a bit rough after last night and having a bit of a lie-in.'

'Maybe'

Johnnie sounded somewhat dubious. Understandably so, as I hadn't even convinced myself. Sarah never lies in and I knew she'd set an alarm when I left. Johnnie grabbed the swimming kit out of the boot of the car and we headed inside, with Danny following. The house seemed strangely dark without the curtains drawn. I called up the stairs,

'We're home love. You having a bit of a lie-in?'

No reply. Johnnie and I shared a worried glance and I headed into the kitchen to drop the stuff and put the kettle on. I almost didn't notice her sat scrunched into a corner of the kitchen, back resting against the corner unit. She was stark white and shaking and my heart sank when I saw the red trail tracing down the white sleeve of her dressing gown. I turned around sharply, nearly bumping into Johnnie who was standing behind me. Thankfully Danny was still trying to hang his coat up.

'Go and take your brother upstairs and keep out of the way for a bit will you?'

'But...Is Mum?'

'It'll be OK, I'll sort it out. Now please, before Danny comes storming in here.'

He stumbled out and I heard the pair of them bickering their way up the stairs. I turned my attention to Sarah, squatting down in front of her; she wouldn't make eye contact, staring at her chest instead. I stroked her hair away from her face,

'Hey love, what's up? What have you done to your arm?'

I barely heard the whispered reply,

'Nothing. It'll be alright, just a scratch.'

'Maybe but will you let me look anyway?'

'No need. It's just a scratch.'

'Please let me see love. It might be worse than you think.'

Mutely she offered her arm. I slid the sleeve gently up but stopped when I saw the fibres had stuck to what seemed to be a nasty burn covering the width of her forearm, oozing a sticky clear fluid. I'm not good with injuries, normally I retch like anything and steer well clear but that was hardly an option in this case.

'That looks nasty love. I'm going to phone an ambulance, OK? I think we need to get you to hospital. How did you do it?'

I had the mobile out dialling 999 as the reply came,

'Frying pan'

I hadn't noticed the large frying pan lying in the middle of the floor until that point, I guessed she must have managed to drop it on her arm somehow. I was told that an ambulance was on its way but that I needed to try and cool the burn down in the meantime.

'Do you think you can stand up? We have to get some cold water on that but I can bring you a bucket if you don't think you can stand.'

'I'll stand.'

I helped her, putting an arm under her shoulder on the side away from the burn and dragging her upright. We hobbled across the kitchen to the sink, I remember thinking that the PlayStation sounded incongruous at the time. Sarah was able to hold her arm under the running water but kept collapsing backwards. I had to stand behind her, as close as I could get, leaning into her and wrapping my arms around her waist, to keep her upright, whispering into her ear all the time. I don't know whether I was trying to calm her or myself. Neither of us could see the full extent of the burn but the skin we could see was red and black, bubbled and blistered. I closed my eyes when I could and talked and talked,

'Do you remember when we first found out you were pregnant with Danny? We went to the seaside, didn't we? I bought ice-creams and we sat on that bench, the green one with the peeling paint. We sat by the beach all afternoon, watching the tide come in. The weather was foul, do you remember? It was cold and windy and it even rained at one point. We didn't care though. Just sat and talked. I talked anyway and you listened and watched me with those beautiful eyes of yours. You would look at me and laugh and I would ask you what was wrong but you never told me. You just said I was very earnest for someone so laid back and laughed some more. I love you, you know. I'm not the best you could have had, not by a long way but I love you, through everything, even when I...I still loved you.'

On and on I went. Overreacting probably, after all even a nasty burn is eminently treatable in hospital these days but I was terrified. I'd always seen the pair of us as untouchable, despite everything I never thought I might lose her until that moment. So I talked, inane chatter mostly until the ambulance arrived. I stopped long enough to tell Johnnie what was happening and to ask him to stay and look after Danny until I got back and then I got into the back of the ambulance and talked and talked until we got to the hospital and they took her away from me for a while. Then I talked to myself.