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Poetry
Termite
By francoise
14 January 2007
Tried to describe the creative writing process... having read it several times over, I think I could add more to it but I'm not sure. Comments appreciated.


Each time I write about you
Some of the words eat paper.
Climbing out of nests
With the mad rush of instinct,
ink revelling in the flow
of mispelt shapes
and curled up commas.
I am caught up in a tangle
of tiny black lines
On the bent corners of this post-it note.
My pen is like an exposed nerve
or an extra finger,
Its end a pinpoint peek
into the lifecycle of each letter.
Each sentence like marching termite
trailing across paperplains.
Like a colony of black dots
Or a mutiny of feeling.




Reviews

Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 14th January 2007
I keep coming back to this like a coward, hoping someone else will have made a comment. I was hoping a review might help me see this in a different way. 
 
While I follow what you've written about well enough I find it hard to connect. I must have read it five times now looking for whatever it is that's missing and I think it's lack of emotion. Perhaps it's there and I just don't see it. Hopefully someone else will review and put me straight. 
 
Phil.

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 14th January 2007
I liked this. For me the last line wasn't necessary but that is nothing more than subjective personal opinion. I liked the idea of being overwhelmed by words almost to the point of losing the sense of them. 'some of the words eat paper' - thought that was a fantastic line. 
 
The only thing I would say is that  
 
My pen is like an exposed nerve 
or an extra finger, 
 
stuck out for me. There's a kind of logical flow through the poem where words are portrayed as termites but this is barking up another tree entirely and distracted me a bit from the central idea that I liked. Again, that could just be me! 
 
Elli

Written by francoise (129 comments posted) 14th January 2007
Elli and Phil, thanks for the comments :-) 
 
fran

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 15th January 2007
I really love this. It's a very unique and interesting idea and you've executed it well. It's hard to pick a favourite part but I love the "peek/into the lifecycle of each letter." I thought the the exposed nerve line was really good, though I do have a few complaints: 
 
1) The capitalisation once more appears to be random- not a big problem, but it can be distracting! 
2) Did you intend the 4th-to-last sentence to read "...like marching termite" rather than like a marching termite? 
3) The last line doesn't fit for me. Though it has a certain finality to the sound, I can't see termites mutineering, so to me it doesn't fit with the metaphor. 
 
Otherwise, great work!

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