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Poetry


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Kenavara (revised)

By Talisker

15 January 2007

Hi folks - this is a classical style poem I originally penned last September - I've had it professionally critiqued by a friend of mine in Chicago, and tried to make amendments accordingly. I would love to know what you all think.

The story is a one I made up about the ghost of a young fisherman, who haunts the wild cliffs of Kenavara (Ceann a Bharra in the Gaelic). He was one of the many drowned (in reality) prior to the comissioning of the Skerryvore lighthouse by the "Lighthouse Stevensons" - the Uncle of Robert Louis Stevenson, in fact. He was from the island of Barra, and had just been married to his sweetheart, Sara - who, unbeknownst to them both was pregnant with his son.

Hope you like this piece of fancy.

Oli

Wild and lovely Kenavara,
Towering o'er the raging foam,
From your cliffs my bonnie Barra,
Calls my broken heart to home.

Were I but a humble sea bird,
Scarce an hour would see me there,
Often flies my spirit seaward,
On the silent wings of prayer.

In the caves of Kenavara,
Fairy pipers play lament,
Seals sing for my darling Sara,
Soothe a heart so badly rent.

By Castlebay I left my true love,
For to fish round Tiree's shore,
At a place my Father knew of,
Twixt Travee and Skerryvore.

Overturned amidst a squall,
Sudden, violent unforetold,
From the vessel I did fall,
Gulping water, sharp and cold.

As towards the ocean's floor,
Filled with brine my body fell,
Yet my spirit flew once more,
To wish my bonnie lass farewell.

On these cliffs of Kenavara,
Will my spirit ever bide,
Grieving for my bonnie Sara,
Yearning for my widowed bride.

We had been but two weeks married,
When the ocean claimed its toll,
Little did she know she carried,
In her womb my unborn soul.

Yet I've seen him in reflection,
Stared into my child's eyes,
Felt in him the resurrection,
Saw in him redemption's prize.

Oli (29/09/06 )

Reviews

Written by ellipinnock (1816 comments posted) 15th January 2007

I like it very much. For me the last 2 lines trod a little close to being...not trite...but predictable maybe? I dunno but wasn't as strong as the rest of the piece imo.

That aside, it reads aloud beautifully and there's a beauty and a sadness in it. I enjoyed this, so much so that I've come back to read it again

Elli

Written by Phil (8698 comments posted) 15th January 2007

I'm glad Elli mentioned the beauty of this when read aloud. I think I said as much when I reviewed this the first time around. The pattern and rhyme seem effortless and work very well without being intrusive. I really admired this the first time around. I don't know what you've changed, but I admire it still.

Phil.

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (5054 comments posted) 15th January 2007

I'm sure you're aware you've got a good 'un here. This is so polished and professional and yet still maintaining the emotion that some of your wilder pieces have. I may be wrong but I get the feeling you don't like to spend too long on a poem but if this is the result of much labour then all I can say is it shows not only in the beauty of the words but the rhyme, rhythm and structure and,I'm no poet but I think those last two lines belong where they are
cheers
J

Written by Fledermaus (4146 comments posted) 16th January 2007

You should put this one on music. It might make a good and very sad song. The descriptions of the scenery were woven into the story cleverly and the language suits the atmosphere. Seems you don't have to write Scots to make English sound Scottish.

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