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Great Writing - Home > Extended > Let no man put asunder - chapter 31
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Extended Work
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| Let no man put asunder - chapter 31 | |
| By LynB | ||||||||||||
| 16 January 2007 | ||||||||||||
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Chapter 31 Donna had been sitting there for so long now, that her back was beginning to ache, but she did not have the heart to move him. He was quieter now, but his breath was still coming in convulsive gasps, and he was still shaking from head to foot. Eventually, he pulled away from her, and the look of absolute despair on his face brought a lump to her throat. “She’s gone, hasn’t she, Donna?” he whispered, his face wet with tears. “Eliza’s gone.” “Yes, Jon” she said, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry, love. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say.” “Nothing you can say. Won’t bring her back, will it?” He turned away from her, and gently stroked Eliza’s face. She was so still, yet still so warm, it was very easy for him to believe that she was just asleep. Despite what he had said to Donna, he just could not accept the reality. He could not accept the fact that she would never wake up, she would never smile at him again, never kiss him again, and he would never feel her body pressed against his, ready to give herself to him completely. He lifted up her hand, and kissed it, pressing it against his face. He did not notice the nurse approach them. “I’m so sorry” she said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “but it’s time to say goodbye to Eliza, now. Do you want a few minutes alone with her?” “I don’t want to say goodbye” he whispered, clinging tighter to Eliza’s hand. “I can’t – I can’t say it. She’s just gone to sleep, hasn’t she? Give me a few minutes, please! She’ll wake up, I know she will. Please….” “Jon” said Donna, softly, putting her hand on his arm. “She’s gone, sweetheart. Let her go. She’s gone.” “No, not yet. I want to hold her one last time, and tell her I’m sorry.” “What are you sorry for, Jon?” “Everything. I let her down…” “I don’t get it. How did you let her down?” “Oh, you wouldn’t understand. I don’t want to explain, I just…” With that, he put his arms around Eliza, and pulled her close, holding her for all he was worth. Donna sat watching, not daring to touch him. The nurse came back and spoke gently to him. “It’s time now” she said, softly. “We’ll look after her now. Will you be all right?” “He’ll be fine” said Donna, standing up and stretching her aching back. “I’ll take him home. Don’t worry, I’ll look after him.” With that, she held out her hand, and he took it gratefully. They walked slowly back to the car, not speaking. For once, Donna did not know what to say, so she just put her arm around his waist, and held him as close as she could. He seemed comforted by this, and did not try to move away. During the journey home, he did not speak, but just kept giving Donna fleeting sideways glances, the pain in his eyes almost more than she could bear. “Where are you taking me?” he said, as they drove past Eliza’s flat. “I thought you were taking me home.” “I’m not leaving you alone” she replied, firmly. “You’ve just had a dreadful shock, and you’re not fit to be left alone. I promised that nurse I’d look after you, and besides, I still care. I may have no right to, but I do still care.” “Take me back to Eliza’s flat” he said, his voice shaking. “I don’t want to be looked after. I want to be alone with my memories. Take me back, I said!” He spoke the last few words in such a sharp tone of voice, that Donna was shocked, and immediately looked for somewhere to turn the car around. She did not want to do anything that would tip him over the edge, as in his still fragile state of mind it would not take much. As they pulled up outside, Donna took a sideways glance at him. He was just staring into space, and seemed to be in a total daze. She gently touched his arm, and said: “We’re here, love. Come on, let’s go inside, and I’ll make you a cup of tea.” “You don’t need to. I’ll be fine.” “Will you stop being so damn stubborn! For goodness sake, just swallow your pride for once, and let me help!” “Okay, Donna. Whatever you want. I haven’t got the strength to argue with you.” As they stepped inside, shutting the door behind them, Donna looked around at the beautifully furnished surroundings. Eliza had always taken great pride in her little home, and was justifiably proud of the fact that she had done all the decorating herself. It was always so cosy and warm, but now, somehow, it did not seem so warm any more. Jon had always believed in the old saying – home is where the heart is, but now Eliza was gone, the heart had gone from this home. He sat down on the sofa, and picked up a photo of Eliza in happier days, and his mind was suddenly crowded with memories. He did not notice Donna place a cup of tea on the table in front of him, and he flinched as she put her hand on his shoulder. “Sorry, love” she said, softly. “You were miles away. That’s a beautiful photo, isn’t it?” “I took that one” he replied, tears beginning to roll down his face. “on her last birthday, just before we went out. It’s one of my favourites – she looked so happy. I just can’t believe she’s gone….” “Come on, drink this. Hot tea is good for shock; it might help…” “Oh yes” he said, his voice angry and bitter. “it might be good for shock, but I don’t think it’ll bring Eliza back. Do you?” “No, of course not. I just thought….” “Leave me alone, Donna! Just leave me alone! I’d like you to go now, if you don’t mind.” “I don’t want to leave you on your own. You’ve just lost someone dear to you – you shouldn’t be alone. Please, love….” “Donna! What does it take to get through to you? I want to be on my own! I want time to think, time to reflect – and I want to do it on my own! Now please, just go! Go back to him! Go on!” “Okay, whatever you want. I’ll respect your wishes, and I’ll leave you alone. Still, if you need me, you know where I am – just ring me and I’ll be here.” “I won’t. Go home, Donna, before he sends out a search party. As he said, I’m not your problem any more.” Donna knew from experience that it was pointless arguing with him when he had made up his mind, so she put her coat on, and picked up her handbag. She bent over and gently kissed his cheek, before making for the door. She was just about to close it, when he suddenly appeared behind her. “Please, Donna” he whispered, tears streaming down his face. “I don’t want to be on my own! Oh God, I’m so scared….” “Oh, love….” She held out her arms, and he stumbled blindly into them, clinging to her like a drowning person to a lifebelt. She held him fast, as he sobbed uncontrollably, shaking from head to foot. It was all she could do not to cry with him, but she managed to keep her feelings in check. “It’s all right” she whispered, gently rubbing his back. “Let it out. You don’t have to hold back in front of me.” “I don’t know what to do, Donna!” he sobbed, pulling away from her, as he struggled to control himself. “I don’t want to be on my own, but I’ve got no choice! There’s no one left. I’ve got no one to turn to….” “You can turn to me” she said, her hands on his shoulders. “I can’t stand the thought of you here alone, and grieving. Come with me – spend the rest of today and night with me, and the children. Please, love, swallow your pride, and let me help.” “What about….” “I’ll deal with him later” she said, firmly. “Now, get yourself a change of clothes, and come with me. If Steve doesn’t like it, he can lump it. I’m not turning my back on you now.” Back home, as they walked into the living room, Steve and the girls looked up from the game they were playing. The expression on Steve’s face was not lost on Donna. It was obvious he was spoiling for an argument, but she was not in the mood, so she chose to ignore it. Jon seemed completely at a loss, so she gave him a reassuring smile, and gently squeezed his hand. “Sit down, love” she said, gesturing towards the sofa. “I’ll put the kettle on. Are you having one, Steve?” “No, thank you” he snapped, looking for all the world like a petulant child. Jon sat down on the sofa, next to Emily. She leaned her head on his shoulder, taking his hand in hers. “How’s Eliza, daddy?” she said, her voice full of concern. “Mummy said she was poorly.” He was quite unable to answer, so Donna spoke up. “Eliza passed away, Emily.” she said, her voice shaking. “She’s gone.” “Oh no, daddy.” She looked up at him, her eyes full of tears. “I’m really, really sorry.” She put her arms around his neck, and lay her head on his shoulder. This simple, but heartfelt gesture completely robbed him of his self-control, and the floodgates opened once again. As she held him close, stroking his hair, Steve gave him a look of disgust. “Can’t you control yourself in front of your children?” he said, his voice full of scorn. “If you’re going to start bawling like a girl, you could at least go somewhere else to do it, and not subject your children to it!” “You bastard!” whispered Donna, quite unable to believe what he had just said. “Have you no compassion at all? He’s grieving, and he shouldn’t have to hide his feelings in front of his family – even his children. I’m seeing a different side to you just lately, Steve, and I don’t like it.” With that, she disappeared into the kitchen, to finish making the tea. Steve got up and followed her, closing the door behind him. “How long is he going to be here?” he said, his voice low and angry. “This isn’t his home any more.” “Yes, it is, Steve.” she retorted, giving him a defiant glare. “We’re still husband and wife at the moment, and, in answer to your question – he’ll stay here for as long as he needs to. He’s grieving, and he’s scared. I’m not leaving him in that flat all alone, whether you like it or not! So stop acting like a spoilt child, and start thinking of someone other than yourself!” “Well, I hope it doesn’t take him too long to pull himself together” he snapped, putting his face right up to hers. “because as far as I’m concerned, he isn’t part of the equation. Make your choice, Donna – it’s either him or me!” “I’ve told you before, Steve – don’t give me ultimatums. I can’t turn my back on the man I loved for all those years. I’m with you now, isn’t that enough?” “Of course it is” he said, kissing her cheek. “I’m sorry I was so unreasonable. I’ll wait for as long as it takes. Anyway, I’ll be off now, and I’ll see you tomorrow. I can’t wait until your divorce comes through, and I can move in here for good. Goodnight, sweetheart.” With that, he turned to leave, but Donna was so preoccupied, she did not see the expression on his face that said he was not in the least sorry. Eventually, the day drew to a close, and, after a fight, the children went to bed, leaving Jon and Donna alone together. For a moment, he did not seem to know what to say to her, and her heart ached for him. He looked so lost and bewildered, and she knew it would not take much to make him cry. Eventually, he spoke, so softly she had to strain her ears to hear him. “I won’t be in your way for long, Donna” he said, wringing his hands together, as tears began to trickle down his face. “I know how Steve feels about me, and I also know how you feel about him, so I’ll just stay tonight, then I’ll go back to the flat. Eliza said to me once, there would be a home for me there as long as I needed one, but I didn’t think it would be a home without her….” “I know” she replied, softly, pulling him close. “There’s no hurry, love. You stay for as long as you need to. I’ll bring you a duvet, and you can make yourself comfortable on here. If you ever want to talk, you can talk to me. No matter what happens, I’ll always be here for you – I’ll always care.” “Thank you, Donna.” he said, squeezing her hand, quite unable to say any more. When she returned with the duvet, she found him curled up on the sofa, already sound asleep. It was obvious that he was totally exhausted. She gently covered him up, and kissed his cheek, before going upstairs to her own bed. However, try as she might, she could not sleep. She was so confused, with conflicting feelings going round and round in her head. She was with Steve now, she was expecting his child and awaiting a divorce, yet she felt she could not turn her back on Jon – especially now, when he needed her more than ever. She had a feeling that, despite his declaration that he would wait as long as it took, that Steve was not that sympathetic to Jon’s plight, and resented his presence. She hoped that he would be understanding, and realise that it was him she wanted. She decided that he would just have to be patient. Little did she realise that, once again, the powers that be would look down on her, and take the decision out of her hands….
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