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For Children
The Atenstone
By Songster
17 January 2007
It‘s very odd, thought the girl.  Who could be walking, barefoot, in damp sand, on this freezing cold day?  She followed the footprints, resenting the intrusion of whoever-it-was.  This beach, which belonged to the tourists in the summer, was, she considered, hers in the winter.  Apart from a few people walking their dogs it was always deserted.
The boy was walking in the other direction and she saw him quite a long time before he lifted his head and saw her.  He was looking down, concentrating on a strange stick that he held in his hand.  It had a loop stuck to its lower end.  He looks as if he’s hoovering the sand, she thought.  He wasn’t the owner of the footprints; he was wearing boots with thick socks. 
“What’s that?” she asked him as soon as he came within talking distance. 
“It’s a metal detector,” he said, looking up.  “Who are you?”
“I’m Tuppence,” she said, “and this is my beach.  What is a metal detector?”
“That’s a peculiar name,” he said.
“Well, it’s Penny, Penelope really but my dad, my first dad, always calls me Tuppence, he says I’m twice as much, and it’s sort of stuck.  At school they call me Penny.  What’s yours, anyway?”  She hoped he had a name she could jeer at.
“It’s Brad,” he said simply, his attention entirely on the metal detector that was making a fast ticking sound.  Closer to, she saw it had a display that was flashing.
“What does that noise and flashing mean?” she asked him.
“There’s something metal under the sand.  It’s probably just an old tin can or something.”  He delved in the pocket of his coat and drew out a narrow trowel.
All resentment gone, Tuppence watched with anticipation.  What might he uncover?  The sea had washed up some treasures for her, she had a collection of beautiful shells, but this was a promising new way of finding things.  He was digging carefully and, when his trowel clinked against something hard, he took off his gloves and used his hands. 
“It’s a coin,” he said.  He rubbed it on his jeans to remove some encrusted dirt but she thought it was still rather disappointing, bent and discoloured.  Brad, however, was obviously delighted.
“How long have you been doing this metal detecting?”  She asked him.
“This is only my second time - I only started yesterday and I didn’t find anything but junk.  I’m staying with my uncle.  He’s an archaeologist and he’s got a really clever metal detector that tells you what sort of metal you’ve found and how deeply it’s buried.  He’s found some really important things – they’re in the museum.  This is his old one and he’s given it to me.  I can’t wait to show him this, he’s got some stuff for cleaning it properly.”  He put the coin in his pocket and drew on his gloves again.
Tuppence was rather disappointed that he had no treasure stories to tell, she wasn’t interested in boring old museum stuff. 
“How long will you be staying?” she asked him.
“Over the Christmas hols.  I go to boarding school because my parents work for a charity and move about quite a lot.  I usually stay with them in the holidays wherever they are but this year, well, they didn’t want to come back to England and they didn’t want me there because they’re very busy helping people.   I would have quite liked to stay at school, the others who do say they have a good time at Christmas but Uncle offered so, here I am.  I’m going to come back to the beach tomorrow and do some more searching, come down if you want a go.”
“Alright,” she said.  She was surprised to find herself liking him, the boys at school were stupid show-offs and never really talked like this, she thought. 
As she watched him hurrying away she remembered the footprints she had been following. She saw them now, overlaid by her own footprints, up to the point where she had stopped.  The tide had turned and waves were creeping up the beach, soon they would be washed away.  It had been a sombre, sunless day.  The light was fading fast and she was expected to be home in time for tea.
 She turned to make her own way home and saw a large, chocolate brown cat sitting on a sandy tussock.  It was watching her, intently, with brilliant amber eyes.  She stared back at it but, instead of sliding its eyes away under her glare, it went on staring coolly, unblinking, until she was the one to give up.  Really, she thought, what with someone walking without shoes, someone metal detecting and a peculiar cat, her beach was becoming quite crowded.

Reviews
Feels like Chapter One
Written by richard (88 comments posted) 17th January 2007
I think this is a really nice starting point for a longer work It's quite a short piece but you have absolutely effortlessly introduced a whole range of possibilities for the future, - mysterious footprints and all!! 
 
I enjoyed it a lot. It really kept the attention and introduced so many possibilities without being in the least confusing. Little bit of a sense of foreboding as well which is great. 
 
Also, I immediately liked Tuppence (great name and history for the character.) 
 
I hope you continue this. I for one would read it! 
 
Richard
Hi Songster
Written by jean.day (2366 comments posted) 17th January 2007
I'm glad you managed to make your work the right size, even if it happened without you knowing why. Usually I save my work just for myself, and then see what it looks like, and then if it it's okay, save it for everyone to see. 
 
But now to your work. I agree with Richard that this seems like it should be a longer work. You have whetted our appetites, and you have the potential for more there. But even after reading it twice, I can't make out what the Atenstone is. Maybe it is what the boy with the metal detector was looking for.  
 
Also in terms of readability, you should put spaces between paragraphs, and conversation bits.  
 
All the formatting tools are on the lower bit of the screen when you are writing stuff. You probably will have to scroll down on the outside scroll bar to find them. There aren't many of them, but you can do italics and bold, and different kinds of justification and change size - but not by font or size as you can in Word.  
 
I'll look out for more or your work.

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 20th January 2007
A pretty good start for what I assume is going to be a pretty lengthy piece. You've introduced some good characters with a bit of history - I too liked the name tuppence - and seet up a bit of mystery. 
 
I normally complain about things being over written in the children's section, but I felt you could have expanded on a couple of things here. 
 
Jean is quite right; for reading on screen a line break between paragraphs and speech is very helpful. 
 
Phil.

Written by ellipinnock (1786 comments posted) 22nd January 2007
Yep - an intriguing start. Like Phil I felt you could have expanded on a few points. That said, I enjoyed it as a beginning - a couple of interesting sounding characters...Good start 
 
Elli

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