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Poetry
Unfurling
By gutterkitty
19 January 2007
I couldn't think of a better title for this, I'm afraid...

Curls of curiosity
rise from a child, legs kicking,
head tipped, on a tube station platform.

Unfurling
from her head, green fronds
tentative in hot air. A greenhouse this is.
See them twisting,
reaching like small hands.
Daring for the ceiling, the white tiles,
light glancing on each. This is new.

The fronds uncurl
a little further, and there are posters too,
gummy with glue. And a sort of wrinkle,
that fades a little more
as each stalk spills from the small skull.
Now discovering a fat black
at each end of the platform,
a kind of wide-open mouth. And a slight rumble
like a hungry tummy, swelling from the dark. 
A roar and a rattle and a red and white train
hurtles forwards.

                       The tendrils stiffen,
startled. Contract and draw
back inside the little head.
But it will only be seconds
before they are twisting
in the air again.


Reviews

Written by ellipinnock (1786 comments posted) 19th January 2007
Umming and ahing over this - initial impression is that it feels longer than it needs to be to encapsulate the idea...I think I'll come back to it later. 
 
Elli 
 
ps. really liked the beginning and the end

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 19th January 2007
I thought this was a really clever idea and yo developed the image well. I really liked the idea of the 'fronds' contracting and withdrawing back into the head at the sense (?) of danger - a bit like an anenome. MPerhaps the middle section was over long, but I only went back to check after reding Elli's comment. The beginning and especially the end were certainly the strongest parts of this so condensing what comes between might be a good idea. 
 
Liked very muck GK. 
 
Phil.
PS
Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 19th January 2007
I liked the title.

Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 19th January 2007
Clumsy fingers !
Written by patterjack (1435 comments posted) 19th January 2007
They seem to have a penchant for the wrong buttons ! 
 
The basic metaphor of this poem develops into what might be best called a conceit .  
 
The metaphor itself reminds me of The Green Man . 
 
Not too sure about the child vocabulary in a poem with that third person addressing of the concept  
 
However , it held my interest  
 
patterjack
love it.
Written by mmSeason (32 comments posted) 23rd April 2007
and i think the child vocabulary works fine! 
;) mand
oh kitty...
Written by no1butClo (341 comments posted) 3rd May 2007
I got SUCH a clear picture in my head when I started to read, you've really captured something there. The line between curiosity and fear, seeing new things and the idea of senses... 
 
perhaps a bit rough around the edges, but I adore this piece, keep working on it ro 
 
clo x

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