Almost a sister poem to 'Boots' - I'm stuck on that theme. I did think about the title of this one...I really did...unfortunately it still aint up to much!
A slim cardboard tube
given in friendship long since lost.
Coated in primary red and blue and green;
topped with an orange lid that
pops
off,
revealing a beach of brightly coloured pebbles
to be emptied onto my palm.
A treasure trove of crisp sugar shells
hiding warm, soft chocolate.
A treat to soothe the pain
of scraped knees.
Waking from sweat-drenched dreams
I lean away from the curve of your back
and return to childhood,
grabbing a handful
of sweets offered by new friends,
sugar-coated pills that exorcise grief
in the name of recreation
leaving only the staring dark.
|
Written by wattle (117 comments posted) 19th January 2007 |
Ms Elli, I'm loving this journey your current mood is taking us (me) on. I've decided you must be renivating the family home, pulling up floor coverings and reading what you find. --- Thank you. ---- Perhaps it's the treasure chest of past loves being painted. |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 19th January 2007 |
God, Elli, this is a dark one! Very powerful and worrying, and if I found this in my daughter's drawer I don't know whether I'd be proud or worried sick! But it is certainly beautiful writing. 'Crisp sugar shells' -- what a fine image, and I don't even like them. |
Written by Phil (6838 comments posted) 19th January 2007 |
Loved some of the images you painted. Odd what takes us back and then what we discover (rediscover?) when we get there. Don't know about you, but the memories that have to be jogged or coaxed usually are not all that pleasant. I was struggling with the very last line of this until I wrote the above - and now in my own way - it has all fallen into place. I like it, but it gives me the shivers. You're in rich form at the moment Elli. Long may it last. Phil. |
wow. You have a very good talent on writ Written by milz (35 comments posted) 20th January 2007 |
you did a great job..Keep it up! |
yeah Written by tabarejos (21 comments posted) 20th January 2007 |
| and i think so too. "sweets offered by new friends" sounds sinister to me, wicked, loved it. |
Written by Fledermaus (3448 comments posted) 20th January 2007 |
| Yikes! Get back to chocolate, quickly! A great comparison between the two... If indeed the new 'sweets' are what I think they are... |
I'd just like to say... Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 20th January 2007 |
that I'm not secretly popping pills in the middle of the night Thanks for the comments everyone Elli |
Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 24th January 2007 |
Weasel keeps M&Ms in her bedside drawer, should I be worried? She also has a jelly bean habit. I suppose you are referring to the Mars confection called "smarties" - which are supposed to have "the answers"? I'm not sure what kind of drug you had in mind at the end - not experienced in illegal (?) pills. For me, this is not "top Elli" - kind of humdrum, so what, ok-ish, retrospective introspection. Too much navel gazing - I feel you need to look outwards more to grow as a poet. Oli |
I think... Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 24th January 2007 |
M+M's are probably ok sweetie! It's an interesting idea whether the strongest pieces are those that come form without or within...I think there has to be some kind of internal connection or the piece becomes a bit lifeless. You're right I think about being overly introspective but this isn't retrospective for me. Cheers, Elli ps. navel duly inspected, free from fluff, ready to move forwards! |
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