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Shorts
Angel, The Demon
By milz
20 January 2007
Its true that you will regret things you have done in the past. Things you have done wrong. When that happens,  You simply want to bring back the past but will forever be impossible. Thats why, take time to think of doing wonderful things so you can save your precious time. How many times have you regretted things you have done wrongly?

There was once a girl named Angel, her name is simply ironic. She's very known in the village [not because of her name, a name that sounds kind]. She's known as the demon! The demon in every single person in the village. She smokes, drinks, always argues with her parents, she doesn't even go to her classes and lessons. Instead, she will go to computer shops and plays.
She started living in a bad way when she had a fight with her mom and dad.
"Why can't you make time for me?" Angel once said to them "What you only value are your business, your business!"
"Angel, of course, youre our precious daughter. We value you the most."
"You value me? huh? Then why do I go to school and go back home without even seeing anyone but our helper?"
The argument continued and Angel started to begin with bad attitudes and habits.
Because of this, her mom was really troubled and was really in great despair. She had sickness for several weeks and was confined in a nearby hospital but never did Angel visit there.
Suddenly, her mom died because of such concern and worry for her one and only daughter. Angel thought her mom will always be there and will always be living FOREVER. Then she realize, her mom did something that a hero would do. Her mom did something that inspired and touched Angel's heart. Her mom left her because she want to change Angel into a better person. Angel cried and said:
"If only I can bring back the past!"
"Mom, you touched my heart!"
"You made me see the light"
"Thank you mom, Youre really a great mom!"
"Youre sacrifice...I will not put them into waste!"
"I will do my part!, I will change and I will be the person you want me to be!"

Reviews
soo..maybe you would all like this story
Written by milz (35 comments posted) 20th January 2007
I worked hard for this story to be really inspiring...I hope you will enjoy the tears from your eyes! thank you... :)

Written by Phil (6383 comments posted) 20th January 2007
Again milz, all credit for writing this in what to you is a foreign language. 
 
However, there are a few problems with this. A basic premise in story telling is the art of showing - not telling. So, if Angel was indeed an evil little bitch, show us through what she did, don't just tell us and throw in a few examples. If her mother died of a broken heart, show us how and why. Showing small details is often much more effective than just telling the reader the big picture. 
 
Hope this helps. 
 
Phil

Written by Fledermaus (3159 comments posted) 20th January 2007
Where the English is concerned: Pay attention to the verbs. I only guessed you weren't English because of the tenses. 
 
As for the story, I agree with Phil. You could have told this story by showing us Angel's actions rather than telling how much of a demon she was. There's a lot of potential in the plot behind this story, and the idea of her mother's death as a sacrifice is very smart.

Written by milz (35 comments posted) 20th January 2007
thanks for the comments

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