Great Writing - Home > Short S. > 'The Mystery' Part 1
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1202 guests online and 7 members online
Shorts
'The Mystery' Part 1
By milz
21 January 2007
Have you ever experienced receiving a news about the death of your best friend? How would you react if after the death, she became alive again?
This story is combined mystery and tragedy about two best friends who love each other very much.

THIS IS ONLY PART ONE OF THE WHOLE STORY

Camp is the only word in Marie and Luisa's minds. They're really excited about the camping trip the school planned before the end of summer. These two best friends were preparing for this. They had their tent from Luisa's mom which they will use for the camping trip in California, U.S.A. With the things needed for the event, they are ready to go!
--BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!--
"Marie! We're here to fetch you! Come on!" Luisa said while pressing the doorbell.
"ok! coming!"
They both went inside the car and Marie said "thank you Mr. Barry!"
"Sure.No problem! Now are you all set and ready to go for the camping trip you've all been waiting for?"
"yeah! very excited! extra-excited!" Luisa and Marie laughed.
After several hours of travel...they're reached the destination and they all began to pitch their tents and fix their camping things.

The students and the master-camper sang thieir songs around the campfire and everybody was having fun...Until it's very late midnight, and everybody was asleep...
Marie heard Luisa getting out from the tent.
"Hey, Luisa, where are you going?"
"Oh, I just need some fresh air outside."
"ok, but I better come with you"
"No. No need. I can take care of myself. You better continue your goodnight sleep. I really hope you will have sweet dreams...like a dream with Johnny? just kidding."
"Are you sure you dont need any companion outside?"
"yeah."

After a few minutes of peace and silence...
"HELP! HELP! I NEED HELP! SOMEBODY!" a voice howled.
Marie heard it and went out from the tent to follow the certain voice.
"LUISA! Is that you? LUISA! ANSWER!"
"Marie! help! I'm stuck! help!"
Marie ran and ran and ran. Upon reaching the unbearable and tremendous cliff, she saw Luisa hanging on a tree.
"Luisa! hold on! I will help you! I just need a rope! Wait there!"
Marie saw a rope beside a rock and took it.
"Reach the rope Luisa! reach the rope now!" Marie shouted with fright.
"I cant! Marie! I cant! Aahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"NOOOOO!!!!!!!!! LUISA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Abruptly and unexpectedly, Luisa fell from the tree towards the very deep cliff and is found dead.

>>>>To BE ConTinuEd<<<< wait for mystery part 2

Reviews

Written by Fledermaus (3246 comments posted) 21st January 2007
Uhm OK... Nice introduction, but where's the rest?
this story is "TO BE CONTINUED>
Written by milz (35 comments posted) 23rd January 2007
sorry for the inconvinience

Written by Fledermaus (3246 comments posted) 23rd January 2007
I think this could be very dramatic, but it's a pity the end was rushed. 
Perhaps you could throw in some details, descriptions of the campsite, of the characters perhaps, anything that adds to the over all atmosphere. 
As it is now it reads like a script rather than a short story. It seems you have some good ideas, but they're written down in a hurry.  
 
And I think you shouldn't capitalize exclamations. Of course that's a normal thing to do on forums and chatboxes, but for fiction one exclamation mark is enough to show something is shouted ;)
thanks
Written by milz (35 comments posted) 6th February 2007
thanks fledermaus..

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item