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Poetry
Asphyxiation
By roxyhope
21 January 2007

The hands of time stopped turning for me long ago
For I am frozen in a world of romantic frenzy.
The soft fragrance of love
Has finally graced my life,
Leaving the beautiful essence of happiness behind.
Like the spring buds blossoming
We have transformed into a beautiful garden.
For so long we bloomed together
In perfect harmony
Until fall's frost touched our lives.
The crisp icicles of truth
Weathered away our beautiful petals
And our love began to crumble.
The weeds of reality overtook
Our once flawless bed
Leaving only broken dreams behind.
Just like the seasons
Our lives have moved on,
But yet I cannot escape this perpetual longing
For I am asphyxiated by the reigns of love--
Smoothered by the winters snow.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6683 comments posted) 21st January 2007
I thought this an accomplished bit of of writing. The metaphor worked well for me throughout and the cadence pulled me along to the end. 
 
Question/gripe. 
Why the lack of punctuation? Once or twice I had to reread as I assumed a sentence was continuing when in fact it wasn't. Had I not read this a second time, I wouldn't have said all these nice things about it. Punctuation adds meaning. Lack of punctuation normally takes it away. 
 
Enjoyed. 
 
Phil.

Written by roxyhope (8 comments posted) 21st January 2007
Phil. thank you for your kind words and suggestions. For some reason when I write, I tend to not use punctuation. I have gone through and added what you asked for. Hope it reads a little better now.

Written by Phil (6683 comments posted) 21st January 2007
This works much better for me, and I hope will have a greater impact on first reading for others. (Liked it even more the third time through) 
 
Phil.

Written by wattle (117 comments posted) 25th January 2007
Ms Roxy, what a pleasant greeting to meet me this morning. I'm with Phil, I like this poem, although it does seem to a sad and emotionally expensive write there is something very soothing about the words (to me). Perhaps it is the lake of agression these 'good-bye' poems usually carry. I like, thank you. 8)

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