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Poetry


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My Argentum Death

By tabarejos

22 January 2007

I know I should not even post this, this is a terribly old poem I wrote when I was young and immature. I once posted it though at some other forgotten website and I remember one house wife who wrote me an email saying she liked it, liked it, liked it, it turned her on (for her husband, luckily). I am sure it's not gonna get the same reception here but I just feel like posting something before I log out, so I'd feel excited to view reviews when I log back in.

Warning, this is highly amateur, since this is intended for someone I was once highly infatuated with.

This is not hallucination...this is love

        It's dangerous, it's catastrophic, and I'm enjoying every second.
        You are poisonous, you are biohazard.
        Let me play with your fire, for a thousand years i played with myself.
        Push me into peril.
        Stop shooting blanks, load them savage love.
        Punish me, I have been waiting since forever.
        Run your poison into my brain, destroy me.
        Stagnate my blood, make me rot.
        Make me defunct.
        Our fluids are warm, shake the f*ck out of me.
        Torture my soul, kiss me.
        Let me lose control, subject me to shaking fits of joy.
        I'm a handful of love, I explode every few seconds.
        Your breath feels good on my skin.
        I spark like a billion volts, a neon-light substance.
        Catapult me into a higher dimension.
        Plunge me into your molten indulgence.
        Drop me even higher.
        You look deadly, your touch is lethal, you're so beautiful that it hurts.
        Your loving is bloodshed.
        You taste best when youre murderous.
        Your venom is in my bloodstream, your syrup is delicious.
        You're my terminal disease.
        Let's break commandments, all ten of them.
        I'm a sinner and I'm good at it.
        This is dirty, this is immoral, this is demonic, this is heavenly.
        I'm obsessed with you, in this time and age.
        Devour me, I'm yours, massacre me.
        Sing me a swansong.
        Let them mourn for me.
        I'm suicidal, my existence ceases with every moment of this.
        I'm so mortal.
        Be my killer. The moment you kill me is the moment I'm alive.

        Design my death.

        I want my Argentum Death.

Reviews

Written by Fledermaus (3489 comments posted) 22nd January 2007

I can see what you mean in your intoduction, but that doesn't mean you can't recycle many of the metaphors you invented. I think the strength of this poem is the constant comparisson with poison.

It seems to me as if this was written with a little too much passion and too little of the cold mathematical reason which is sometimes needed for poetry. But considering your own opinions in the introduction and the many creative metaphors I think you can do a lot with this.

=)
Written by tabarejos (21 comments posted) 22nd January 2007

To be honest when I wrote this I really did not have a clear "destination" in mind. I didn't have the standard structure which I usually had in my other poems, I did not have a proper beginning and ending. As shameful as it may sound, this poem was constructed with me scribbling on a piece of paper phrases which I thought might sound cool, and then simply putting them together in a careless fashion. I based the ending on what might sound nice as the ending, not because I had a particular ending in mind, and I guess that is like a no-brainer way of writing a poem.

I guess what makes me consider this as a piece of work is how it sort of attacks the reader in a restless barrage of obscenities that don’t seem to end and then ends abruptly.

This poem will be remembered because of me, but I will not be remembered because of this poem. Haha.

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 22nd January 2007

In its present form this doesn't cut the mustard. However, distilled and structured, this could be a very powerful piece. Liked the penultimate line very much. I'd ditch the last line (and title)

Phil.

?
Written by tabarejos (21 comments posted) 22nd January 2007

penultimate is second to last? yeah i like that too.

Argentum= Silver
Death= Bane

I had a crush before, whose name was an anagram of Silver Bane..

So in the end i just had to say it, i want my silver bane,...

told you this is for someone hahah

thanks for the comment...

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