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Great Writing - Home > Extended > Let no man put asunder - chapter 32
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Extended Work
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| Let no man put asunder - chapter 32 | |
| By LynB | ||||||||||||
| 23 January 2007 | ||||||||||||
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Chapter 32 It was proving to be a sleepless night for Donna, as conflicting thoughts and emotions crowded her mind. She was torn between her loyalty to Steve, and her desire to help her husband in his hour of need. Things had changed now – she was expecting Steve’s child and trying to build a life with him, yet she just could not turn her back on the man she had loved for all those years. In the end, she gave up on the idea of sleep, and decided to go downstairs and make herself a drink. After the traumatic day he had just had, Donna realised that Jon needed all the sleep he could get, so she entered the living room as quietly as she could, so as not to wake him. She glanced at him as she walked past into the kitchen, and he appeared to be sleeping peacefully. As she stood there waiting for the kettle to boil, she heard him shifting around, and moaning softly. She glanced around the corner, but he appeared to still be sleeping. Thinking that he would soon quieten, she moved back into the kitchen, but she never got to pour her drink. The moans grew louder, and it was obvious he was becoming extremely distressed. She hurried into the room, and sat down on the sofa next to him, putting a tentative hand on his shoulder. It did not seem to have any effect, and she was shocked when he suddenly grabbed her arms. “No, Eliza! No, don’t leave me! Eliza, don’t go….” She tried to stay calm, and spoke gently to him, trying to make him release his vice-like grip. “Please, Jon, wake up, love. It’s me – Donna. Come on, you’re dreaming. It’s all right…” Suddenly, almost as if he had realised what he was doing, his eyes flickered open, and he slowly released her. For a moment, he did not seem to know where he was, then, when realisation suddenly hit him, he stared at her with wide, tear-filled eyes, the look of fear on his face going straight to her heart. “You were dreaming, love” she said, softly. “You were dreaming about Eliza, weren’t you?” “Eliza” he repeated, looking totally bewildered. “She’s gone, Donna. My Eliza’s gone! Oh God, I can’t stand it…” With that, he turned his face into the pillow, and began to sob. Donna took his hand in hers, gently brushing it with her thumb. He sat up, and clung to her for all he was worth. She held him close, stroking his hair, as he gradually quietened. As she held him, she began to experience feelings she had not felt for a long time. Last time she held him, it just felt like a gesture of comfort to a dear friend, but somehow this time it felt different. She knew she shouldn’t feel like this, but since when did human emotions follow the rules? Her train of thought was interrupted when he suddenly broke free, and lay back on the pillows, tears still streaming down his face. “Do you want to talk about it, love?” she said, putting her hand on his shoulder. “It might help, you know.” “What’s the point?” he whispered, turning his head away as the tears began to flow again. “I can talk until I’m blue in the face, but it won’t bring her back, will it? It won’t change the fact that it’s my fault….” “Why is it your fault?” said Donna, shocked at this sudden outburst. “How can it be?” “I didn’t stop him, did I?” he said, his face contorted in pain. “All the time she was being terrorised by that scumbag, I was sitting at home doing nothing! She must have been so scared, Donna! When I think about what he did to her… oh God….” “None of this is your fault. How on earth were you to know what was happening? There’s nothing you could have done to prevent it, so stop torturing yourself. Eliza wouldn’t have wanted this…” “How do you know what she would have wanted?” he snapped, hardly able to get the words out. “You didn’t even know her! She was there for me when I desperately needed someone, yet when she needed me, I let her down! Do you know how that feels, Donna? Do you?” “Yes, I do” she said, tears rolling down her face. “Because I did exactly the same to someone I professed to love. I let him down, and I have to live with that for the rest of my life.” “No point in going over the past, Donna. What I want to know is how I’m going to get through this. You tell me it’s not my fault, but I still feel responsible for what happened. One of her last memories was of him, a look of evil on his face, beating hell out of her….” “That’s enough, Jon!” she said, firmly gripping his shoulders. “Anyway, that wasn’t her last memory. Shall I tell you what her last memory was? The last thing she saw was your face, the face of someone she loved, and the last words she heard were you telling her you loved her. Take some comfort from that, and stop all this talk about blaming yourself. It was him – not you! Please, love, it’s the only way you’ll get through this. Now, try and get some sleep – I know it’s easier said than done. Don’t feel you have to hurry back to the flat – this is still you home, you know. Anyway, I’m going back to bed…” “No, Donna, don’t go! Please, can you stay until I’m asleep? I don’t want to be alone, please…” The tremor in his voice, and the pain in his eyes tore at her heart, and she could not refuse him. She made herself comfortable on the sofa, and, to her surprise he wrapped his arms around her waist, and rested his head on her lap. She could feel his body shaking, as tears of grief and complete exhaustion took over. “I’m so scared, Donna” he wept, as she held him close. “I’ve never felt so alone. I’ve got nowhere to go. Eliza’s gone, and I’m not wanted here. I know Steve wants me out…” “Don’t worry about him” she said, her voice gentle. “He can look after himself, and don’t say you’re not wanted here, because that’s not true. The children want you, and…” “And what?” “Nothing. Go to sleep, now. I’ll stay here until you drop off.” As she waited for him to fall asleep, she could feel her eyes growing heavier, and the next thing she knew, daylight was streaming through the curtains – she had been downstairs all night! Jon was still sound asleep, and she did not have the heart to wake him at first, then, as she heard David begin to cry, she knew she had to. She gently took his arms from around her waist, and slid out from beneath him. When she came downstairs with David in her arms, he was awake. His eyes were red through lack of sleep, but he soon brightened up when he saw his little boy. “Let me take him” he said, holding out his arms. “I’ll look after him, while you get the girls.” “All right” she agreed, smiling warmly. “He has a beaker of milk, and Weetabix for his breakfast.” “I’ve missed so much” he said, his eyes filling up. “I don’t even know what my little boy has for breakfast.” “It’s no big deal” said Donna, putting her hand on his shoulder. “I don’t think he’ll hold it against you. Here you go – I think he wants you!” Satisfied that the little boy was in safe hands, Donna went back upstairs to deal with the girls. When, eventually, they were all seated around the breakfast table, Jon stood in the doorway, watching them, not quite sure what to do. They all looked so happy together, and, just for a moment, they seemed to forget he was there. As they all sat there chatting and laughing, he turned to walk away, his eyes burning. He had not got very far, when he heard a little voice calling him – it was Rosie. “Daddy! Where are you going?” “Back to the flat for now” he said, fighting back tears. “Don’t worry about me, sweetheart. I’ll be all right. I’ll come and see you again soon.” “You’re not going anywhere” said Donna, gently but firmly. “So, sit down and I’ll get you some breakfast.” “I can’t stay” he said, sinking gratefully into a chair. “I don’t belong here any more. If Steve…” “Don’t care about him!” snapped Rosie, with a defiant glare. “Don’t like him! You’re my daddy – not him! He said he’ll be my daddy when he moves in with mummy, but he won’t, will he, daddy?” Before Jon could draw breath, Donna spoke up. “When did Steve say that?” she said, clearly shocked. “When you went to see daddy” replied Rosie. “when you took him to hospital to see Eliza.” “Bastard” said Jon, his voice almost a whisper. “That is a great big lie, Rosie. He’ll never be your daddy – I’m your daddy, and I always will be, whatever happens.” As he sat down at the table, he turned to Donna, a look of utter disgust on his face. “What kind of man is he, Donna?” he said, his voice shaking. “Hurting me is one thing, but when he starts playing with my children’s feelings, that’s a whole different ball game. I don’t care how you feel about him, I’m not going to let that low-life home wrecker hurt my children. They’ve been through enough already. I know a lot of it is my fault, and I fully admit that, but I’ve always been here for them when I can, and I’ve always loved them….” His voice gave way, and he covered his face with his hand, crying softly. Emily reached out and put her hand on his shoulder. “We know you love us, daddy” she said, her blue eyes bright with tears. “We wish you could come back and live here with us. We don’t want Steve to come and live here; we don’t like him! Please, come home, daddy, please!” “I can’t, Emily. Don’t ask me why – I just can’t!” “Why don’t you like Steve?” said Donna, feeling distinctly uneasy. “He’s never been horrible to you.” “He has” retorted Emily, her voice trembling. “He said he’ll be our daddy when he moves in here, and daddy won’t be able to come here unless he says so, and when Clare was naughty, that day you took daddy to the hospital, he said if he was her daddy, he’d give her a good slap…” “And you want to marry this guy?” said Jon, his voice rising in anger and disbelief. “A guy who threatens your children, and tells them they can’t see their daddy unless he says so? Who the hell does he think he is? Let’s get one thing straight, right from the start – if he lays one finger on any of my children, I swear to God, I’ll tear him apart!” "I didn’t know about any of this.” Donna was close to tears. “He has no right to say those things – you know you can see them whenever you want, and I swear to you, he’ll never touch any of them. I’ve already told him he has no right to do that.” “Well, if you’ve already told him once before, he obviously isn’t listening, is he?” Before Donna could answer, there was a quiet tap on the back door, and Steve walked in. Jon could not help noticing how the children refused point blank to speak to him, even when Donna prompted them. “Are your children always this rude?” said Steve, glancing at Jon. “or is it just me?” “It’s just you” said Jon, shooting him an evil glare. “They obviously don’t like being bossed around by their mother’s bit on the side.” “Fiance, actually” snapped Steve, taking a step towards him. “Call yourself whatever you want” retorted Jon, standing his ground. “but there is one thing you have no right to call yourself, and that is daddy to my children. Just because you’re with my wife, doesn’t give you the right to demand they call you daddy.” “Yes, I’m with your wife” said Steve, his voice taking on a nasty edge. “You couldn’t give her what she wanted, so she turned to someone who could. You were such a mental case, you couldn’t look after yourself, let alone her! Don’t have a very good track record with women, do you, Jon? First your wife chucks you out, then when you finally find yourself a girlfriend, she goes and dies on you..” “I think you’ve said enough, Steve” said Donna, keeping her temper with difficulty. “You have no right to speak to him like that, especially in front of the children. If you have nothing nice to say, I suggest you leave, right now.” “Mummy, can we leave the table?” said Emily, glaring at Steve, making no attempt to hide her feelings. “We’ve finished our breakfast. Can we go and play?” “Of course you can, love” said Donna, her voice shaking. “Can you take Rosie and Clare into the conservatory with you, and play some games with them, while I talk to daddy and Steve?” “Okay, mummy. Will you be all right?” “I’ll be fine! Go on!” As the door closed behind the girls, Steve turned to Donna, and said: “I thought I’d made myself clear last night. He is not welcome here any more! He’s not part of your life any more!” “And I thought I’d made myself clear” snapped Donna. “For a start, he has a name! Now, let’s get this straight – he will always be welcome here, and he’ll always be part of my life, whether you like it or not! I am not going to deny him the right to see his children, just because you don’t like it. Deal with it, Steve! You can’t have all your own way, you know!” “So I have no rights at all, do I?” yelled Steve. “I think I deserve some rights!” “Stop shouting” said Donna, lifting David out of this chair. “You’re scaring him.” “Shut up, both of you! For God’s sake, shut up!” They were shocked into silence, as they turned to see Jon standing there shaking from head to foot, tears streaming down his face, his chest heaving as he struggled not to break down. There was a time he would not have given Steve the satisfaction, but right at this moment, he was beyond caring. He fought to get the words out, almost choking on the sobs that were rising in his throat. “I have just watched someone I love die in front of me, knowing there was nothing I could do! My whole world has just collapsed around me, I’m scared out of my wits, and all you two can do is stand there shouting at each other! Oh, God..” “Steve, I think you’d better go” said Donna, putting a gentle hand on Jon’s shoulder. “Just for a while. Go on, I’ll call you.” “I don’t believe I’m hearing this….” “For God’s sake, Steve! He’s grieving, and he’s frightened! He needs me – surely you don’t begrudge him a few minutes of my time. For heaven’s sake, show a little compassion!” Shooting her a petulant glare, he walked out, slamming the back door behind him. Donna gently put David down, and he toddled off into the living room. When he was settled in front of his favourite ‘Bob the Builder’ DVD, she made a well-earned cup of tea, and sat down on the sofa. She held her hand out to Jon, gently insisting that he joined her. For a moment, he hesitated. “I don’t know what to do, Donna” he said, trying in vain to control himself. “I can’t stay here, and I don’t want to go back to the flat. There are too many memories there, it hurts too much. There’s no one left who gives a shit, and I’ve got nowhere to go. I lost you, and now I’ve lost Eliza….” “Come here” said Donna, holding her arms out to him. “You look as if you could do with a hug.” Swallowing his pride, he sat down next to her, and let her hold him. Like so many times before, he was finding comfort in her arms. As he lay his head on her shoulder, she rested her cheek against his hair, quite unable to think of anything to say, but it did not seem to matter. Eventually he spoke. “Thank you, Donna” he said, softly. “I couldn’t have got through this without you.” “No need for thanks” she replied, her eyes filling with tears. “No matter what happens, I’ll always care for you. You’ll always have a place in my heart.” “I know” he said. “Same here.” After a few minutes, she gently freed herself from his grip, saying that she needed the bathroom. He could not help noticing how pale and tired she looked. As he played with David, he thought she had been gone a long time. He turned to David and said: “I won’t be a minute, soldier. I’m just going to see what mummy’s doing.” With that, he opened the living room door, and glanced up the stairs. He was shocked at the sight that met his eyes. Donna was standing at the top of the stairs, as white as a sheet, holding her stomach. “Donna, what is it? What’s wrong?” “Oh, Jesus! Jon, it hurts…” She began to make her way slowly down the stairs, beads of sweat standing on her forehead. About halfway down, she stopped, then everything seemed to happen in slow motion. Her eyes closed, and her legs buckled underneath her. Before he had a chance to do anything, she had tumbled down the last few steps, landing in a heap at the bottom. He knelt down next to her, cradling her in his arms, as she moaned with pain. “My baby” she whispered, clutching his hand. “My baby’s gone…” “You don’t know that…” “I do. When I went to the toilet, there was some blood… baby’s gone… nothing you can do… nothing…” “I’ll get Steve…” “No, don’t leave me! Stay with me, Jon – please!” “It’ll be all right, Donna. Everything will be all right” “No” she sobbed, turning her head into his chest. “My baby’s gone! I’m being punished!” He wanted to ask her why she had said that, but somehow the words just would not come. He held her shaking form close to his heart, as his body convulsed with silent, uncontrollable sobs. Even though she was with Steve now, even though the baby she had been carrying was his, too, Jon could not help but feel her pain. The very idea that she thought she deserved it, that she was being punished, was breaking his heart.
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Oh Lyn, that was so heart wrenching. Poor Jon and Donna. I really think that Donna ought to kick Steve into touch and get back with Jon 
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