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By tabarejos
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23 January 2007 |
In the hours when I appreciated my self tghe most I wrote this... I stare at you but
From afar
For I cannot show
You my tears.
I sing to you but
From afar
For my song plays
And dies on
Prejudiced ears.
I worship you but
From afar
For I can't go
Against what the
World expects.
I love you but
From afar
For that's what
You allow.
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Written by Fledermaus (3281 comments posted) 24th January 2007 | An interesting point of view. Though considering that, the passion and obsession don't realy come across. It all sounds too rational and accepting.
If it was about a disappointed secret admirer that'd be fine, but considering the title, your narrator is much more than just that. |
Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 24th January 2007 | I agree with Fledermaus - I think that this suits the thoughts of a secret admirer rather than a stalker.
I did find it an interesting read however. I liked
For my song plays
And dies on
Prejudiced ears
I think that this could maybe be tidied up a little - I dont think you need as many line breaks, for example the first four lined could be condensed to two:
I stare at you but from afar
For I cannot show you my tears.
Best wishes,
E null |
Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 24th January 2007 | | ok - don't know what the 'null' is all about at the end there, sorry! |
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