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By ellipinnock
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24 January 2007 |
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Clad in a base coat of drab olive; camoflaged against bark and leaf; betrayed only by stripes - yellow, brown and blue slashes of intrigue.
A confident stance, followed by a flash of underbelly, colours of anxiety rippling across your surface as you sit and watch me. Peering into ultraviolet for subconscious insight.
I skitter closer, displaying a perpetual slideshow of new tints, watching for variations on a theme I can trust.
Flashes of a flickering, feinting tongue try my resolve, testing my skin, tasting the elements of my composition.
Closer and closer I come. Soon we will stand, eye-to-eye, unblinking and wait to see what comes of this.
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mmm... Written by no1butClo (339 comments posted) 25th January 2007 | ...ooh I do like this. The contrast between lines one and two of stanza2 [the confidence followed by the vulnerability to the underbelly] really caught my eye. I could pick a hundred bits like that which give this poem that little bit more, but you wrote it, so I won't hehe. well done elli, I love it clo x | Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 25th January 2007 | I'm fed up of doing negative reviews today - so, sorry - I shan't review this at all. Suffice to say that I've read it. I value you for your honesty Elli, I hope you can tolerate mine, however cruel it may seem. Oli | Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3450 comments posted) 25th January 2007 | I find your metaphors a bit like a maze; they keep leading me off in the wrong direction. I think I understand it and then I realise that I probably don't. I do think you have the most fluid use of imagery on the site but lines like "tasting the elements of my composition" Just leave me scratching my head and wondering what I'm doing the the poetry forum. You're always worth a read,though cheers J | Written by Phil (6845 comments posted) 25th January 2007 | Loved the middle three verses. Funny Jane should mention those lines. Poem blind that I am at times, I loved them the most. First verse fine but the last doesn't carry through the quality of the rest. (For me) I think the metaphor slightly changes flavour and it threw me off the rhythm and scent. (Again, I don't have the poetic vocabulary, so I hope this makes sense.) Phil. | Written by francoise (129 comments posted) 27th January 2007 | second stanza flowed perfectly to me, it seemed the most compact and solid compared to the rest. Some fantastic lines 'perpetual slideshow..' and 'flash of underbelly'. The last stanza worked fine for me. I understood what you meant by 'element of my composition' but I felt you were being too explanatory here (for my liking, clearly not for others!) spelling it out abit.. it didnt sit well with the intrigue of the rest of the piece and with the metaphorical usage of the chameleon. hope I made sense.. somewhere! Fran |
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