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You Are Them And They Are You |
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By pandora
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25 January 2007 |
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My eyes have been opened
I now see you for what you are
Frustrated
blaming others for your choices
Standing on your rock
looking down upon others
doling out judgment
from on high
Reverse that mirror
See
Your own hypocrisy
The judged shall be judged
And you my friend
Are not excluded or excused
You act as though
You
Are the only one
Dissatisfied
Disappointed
By the struggle of life
This is a lesson you should
Have learned long ago
Yet
It seems to have been
Lost to you
Look into another’s face
And what you
Hate
Lack
Despise
Loathe
You will see in your own reflection
Then and only then
will you see who you really are
Now get off your fucking pedestal
And stand with the very people
You condemn
Because
you
are them
And they
are you
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Written by no1butClo (337 comments posted) 25th January 2007 | A scary denial of individualtiy, but in this case it really, really works.
Can't make many suggestions for improvement to be honest, it sits well in my head and ouot loud. But one small thing, perhaps in the 7th stanza, move the 'in' in the last line to after the 'And' in the second. I could read it the way it is, but it took me a second to understand.
Just a suggestion, feel free to ignore
love it otherwise
clo x |
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 25th January 2007 | OK, I see, you mistyped the title - it should be "them" rather than "then".
Well, what can I say? The kind of offensive diatribe one can overhear in any bar of a late Friday evening.
Poetry? Not for me Pandora. Put it back in your box.
Oli | Cover your ears and eyes and keep your
Written by pandora (15 comments posted) 28th January 2007 | You do not have to be rude in your comments. Maybe something I wrote is not for you. I understand that but that does not give you the excuse to be rude.
Jackass.
I bet you have never even been published. This poem was written for people like you...oli. | loved the message
Written by johniebg (538 comments posted) 28th January 2007 | liked everything this had to say and it is very true. Not sure what got you to this point of being able to so lucidly put this into words but it is very accurate.
I am no prude but I thought the use of 'fuck' at the end detracted from everything that you had so powerfully put across in the rest of this, it really is not needed for impact because of the strength in the whole.
Good stuff. | In explanation...
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 29th January 2007 | In spite of your vicious and disproportionate tirade of abuse, I stand by my original review of this piece.
This "poem" reads to me as an angry rant. I find no real merit in it, so how can I be constructive, except to say "rip it up and start again", which was, in effect, what I did say.
I wouldn't have dreamed of posting PMs publicly to try and discredit another member, but since you have wrenched open that particular Pandora's box:
From: pandora To: Talisker
Subject: Re: Rude/Honest Posted: Mon Jan 29, 2007 2:07 am
First of all it was rude not honest. Look it up in the dictionary.
Then you are going to talk shit about me being american. I will not even drop to your level. Grow up!
This is just a test site for me as I have been published many times and have a book coming out. How many times have you been published?
I run new writing through here for constructive not destructive critiques.
and...do not threaten me, I am not one to fuck with!
_________________
Pandora**
Let others decide who is being inflammatory, Im much too busy writing poetry to play your games. I'm glad that you have been so widely published and have a book coming out. In answer to your question, I have not yet been published, but I have no complex about that for you to get at.
Oli
| Get over it
Written by pandora (15 comments posted) 29th January 2007 | Listen, you are a prime example of someone who does not know how to critique. If you don't like it fine, I understand. However, there is this thing called mutual respect. If I give a critique I explain why I think something did not work and make suggestions. If I just do not like the piece I move on to another one. It's real simple.
As for publishing your email...It just goes to your character.
I am glad you published mine. I have nothing to hide and stand by every word of it.
Now get over it. |
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