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Poetry
So Cold
By rilLie
25 January 2007
relatively short... wrote this during Language class... We had a spelling pretest.. which was relatively easy because the words, this time, were not entirely of French Origin.. No offense to fans, but I really don't like the way they spell..XD anyway.. yeah.. :D Ms. Joy added Greek, Latin, Spanish, and Japanese words, all of which are my favourites. I got an 8 out of ten -- very good to my previous 4. anyway. yeah.. I was so giddy.. and then by the next activities.. I dunno.. I think I died.. and I just sort of scribbled this.. I dunno why I had the sudden depression. XD

Fingers ice,
my headaches stay,
my only source of love.


I can't seem
to be able
to stand up no more
I need to run away.


Visions of what
I could have done
haunting me in ev'ry blink.


My head feels odd
I have no more,
left of me.

Reviews

Written by Talisker (1321 comments posted) 25th January 2007
rilLie darling, you have sunk here to the level of those inscrutable punks who hide behind deliberate gobbledegook. There follows a telling off from your Uncle Oli... 
 
Where did you learn double negatives; 
 
"I can't seem to be able to stand up no more" 
 
next you'll be writing "I don't know nuffing" ! Have you been watching too much MTV my dear?  
 
There is plenty left of you - but please, a little more focus and use of your "God" given talent! 
 
Oli 
 

Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 25th January 2007
With Oli on this one rilLie. Your poetry has really upped in quality of late with some really, very good pieces. Nothing wrong with this for someone of your age, but you are capable of so much more. Keep them coming rilLie. 
 
All the best, Phil.

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