Chapter 34

For just a few seconds, he stood rooted to the spot, then, as the pram gathered speed, and Donna’s terrified screams grew louder, he pulled together every last ounce of strength he had, and tore after it, sending up a silent prayer.  The water’s edge seemed to be getting closer and closer, and he did not seem to have a hope in hell of catching the pram, with it’s precious cargo inside. He could hear Donna still screaming, with people trying in vain to console her.

“My baby!  Oh God, my baby!  Please, don’t let him die….”

By now, one or two people nearer to the river had joined in the desperate chase after the pram.  He did not notice the small protruding clump of grass, and the next thing he knew, he was falling.  He put his arm out to save himself, and felt pain shoot through his wrist, as it gave way beneath him.  He looked up just in time to see the pram disappear over the edge, landing in the water with a sickening splash.  He struggled to his feet, and rushed to the water’s edge, screaming hysterically.  He was stopped in his tracks by a middle-aged man, who held him firmly, waiting for his wife to catch up – she was carrying the baby in her arms.  She had managed to grab hold of the pram for long enough to take him out, before it was wrenched from her grasp again.

“It’s all right, mate!” said her husband, as he struggled to free himself.  “My wife’s got him!  He’s safe!  Come on – calm down!”

“Oh God, I can’t breathe…..”

“Yes, you can!  You’re hyperventilating – take a few deep breaths – that’s better!  Sit down here a minute – you’ll be fine!”

As little David stirred in her arms, the lady gave him to her husband, and sat down next to Jon, who appeared to be in a state of shock.  Tears were streaming down his face, as he rocked back and forth, his hands clasped around his knees. She put her arm around his shoulders, talking softly to him, waiting patiently, until he could talk rationally again.

“When I saw the pram go into the water, I thought that was it!  I thought he’d had it – I didn’t see you take him out!  How can I ever thank you for this?  How can I ever repay you?”

“This is the only repayment I want” she said, taking the baby from her husband, and placing him in his daddy’s arms.  “Knowing that this little mite is safe and sound!  Go to your wife, dear – she must be beside herself!”

She put a steadying hand under his arm, as he got to his feet.  He looked at her once last time, before making his way back to Donna.  He was quite unable to speak, but as he put his free arm around her, and hugged her tightly, she knew exactly what his heart wanted to say.

As he approached Donna, with David in his arms, she got up from her seat and rushed over to him.  She wrenched the baby away from him, and held him close, tears streaming down her face, as she sobbed uncontrollably.  Jon put his arms around her, pulling them close, and, for once, she did not push him away.  Emily spoke up, tears beginning to trickle down her face.

“Is he all right, daddy?” she said, her voice shaking.  “I saw the pram go in the water!  I thought he was still in it!  I thought he was…..”

“Don’t say it!” wept Donna, her face still buried in his shoulder.  “Please, don’t say it…..”

“He’s fine!” said Jon, glancing over at Rosie, who stood there, not quite knowing where to look, a bewildered expression on her face.

Suddenly, he lost it.  The enormity of what could have happened suddenly hit him like a bolt out of the blue.  He let go of Donna, and went over to Rosie.  People sitting nearby looked at each other open-mouthed, as he rounded on her.  Grabbing her arms, he pulled her close to him, his eyes blazing.

“Do you realise what you did?” he yelled, ignoring her pleas for him to stop.  “Do you?!  I told you to leave the brake alone, didn’t I?  Why didn’t you do as you were told just for once?  Do you realise what would have happened if he’d gone into that water?  You wouldn’t have a little brother, any more – because you’d have killed him! You…..”

“Jon!  That’s enough!”  Donna handed David to Emily, and hurried over to them.  “Do you hear me?  That’s enough!  I know she shouldn’t have done it, but this won’t achieve anything!  Stop it, right now!  You’re scaring her to death, now let go of her, and pull yourself together!”

He felt Donna’s hands firmly gripping his shoulders, and all the fight suddenly left him.  As he let go of his little girl, and she clung to her mother, sobbing with fright and confusion, he suddenly felt sick to his stomach at what he had just done.  Yes, he had been scared and angry, but the way he had just reacted had been completely inexcusable – God, was he losing the plot?  As he stood there, trying to regain his self-control, a lady walked up to him, and told him what she thought in no uncertain terms.

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself, frightening that little mite half to death!” she said, wagging her finger at him.  “If you can’t control yourself any better than that, you don’t deserve any of those children!  Men like you shouldn’t be allowed to be fathers, if you ask me!”

“I didn’t!” he snapped, turning round to face her.  “How dare you stand there and pass judgement on me?  You have absolutely no idea what we’ve been through – no idea!  So why don’t you mind your own business, you venomous old bat!”

With that, he turned back to Donna, and, picking Clare up, he walked away.  The journey home was rather fraught.  Rosie was still crying, even with Emily’s desperate attempts to comfort her.  When, at last, they arrived home, Donna took Rosie and Clare upstairs for a nap, then came downstairs to feed David.  She sat on the sofa, and made herself comfortable, before latching him on to her breast.  As Jon sat down next to her, she gave him a sideways glance, and could not help noticing his swollen, red-rimmed eyes, and a look of total bewilderment on his face.  She turned back to the baby, and, as she glanced down at him, a feeling she had never felt before suddenly filled her heart to bursting point.  She gently stroked his face, his skin was as soft as a peach, his eyes the same piercing blue as his daddy’s.

“I was so scared, Jon!” she said, keeping her eyes on the baby.  “I thought I’d lost him for ever! God, it doesn’t bear thinking about…”

“This is the first time you’ve ever shown any real interest in him, at all!”

“Well, coming so close to losing him, it made me realise just what I could have lost – my precious baby!  I realise now he is precious to me – just like they all are!”

He looked at her expectantly, his eyes searching her face for any sign at all.  He leaned over and kissed her cheek, but she did not react.  She saw the downcast expression on his face, and spoke gently to him.

“I know what you’re thinking!” she said, gently running her fingers through his hair.  “one thing at a time, love!  Let’s not rush it – best to take it slowly!”

“I don’t want to lose you, Donna!” he said, tears beginning to trickle down his face.  “Please, give me just a little hope!  Please, darling, give me something to hold on to….”

“I’ve just learned how to love my baby” she said, taking a tissue from her pocket, and gently wiping his tears away.  “Now I have to learn how to love you again – give me time, that’s all I ask!  I want to love you – more than anything!  If you’re willing to wait….”

“For as long as it takes!” he said, silencing her with a kiss.

Satisfied with that, they settled down to watch TV, and, later that evening, when they finally went to bed, it did not take Donna long to fall asleep.  He lay there for some considerable time, watching her, his heart filled with renewed hope.

When he woke the next morning, he saw the sun streaming through the curtains, and, after showering and dressing, he made his way downstairs. Donna and the girls were already up.  They sat there contentedly eating breakfast, while Donna fed David, a look of tenderness and love on her face, instead of the defeated expression of a few days ago.  He went over and kissed her, then gently kissed the baby’s forehead.  Emily held out her arms for her usual cuddle, and he felt Clare tugging at his trouser leg, pleading to be picked up.  He held her close, blowing a raspberry on her neck, making her giggle uncontrollably.  He made his way round the table to Rosie, but when he attempted to pick her up, her reaction shocked him to the core.

She leapt down from her chair, and ran away from him.  Hiding behind Donna, she began to cry, glancing fearfully at him.

“Mummy!” she yelled, clinging on to Donna’s skirt for all she was worth.  “Tell daddy to go ‘way!”

“Rosie, please…..”

“No! Go ‘way!  You hurt me!  You shouted at me!  Don’t like you any more – you’re scary!”

He looked at his little girl’s frightened face, and the red marks on her wrists from where he had grabbed her, and he was suddenly filled with self-loathing.  He had always sworn to himself that he would protect his children from harm, and comfort them when they were scared.  What had happened yesterday had made a complete mockery of that promise – he had never thought the day would come when his actions would result in one of them being scared of him….