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By Snodlander
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26 January 2007 |
A drabble (100 word story). Steve’s a God. A ‘Shit! That’s huge!’ big man. If you dropped him on an island the natives would worship him rather than their volcano. His fists are like hearth bricks. He put six coppers in hospital last Christmas, and bit their dog. They will only whisper his name. Gangs in the town, hard men throughout the county, they wouldn’t try it on with him. He’s their god. He’s barred from every pub in town. They’d like his custom. He could drink for England. But they can’t afford the damages. It’s the insurance companies. They don’t cover acts of God. |
Written by Fledermaus (3489 comments posted) 26th January 2007 | | Uh... Right. sounds like a demon rather than a deity. Nicely described though. |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 26th January 2007 | Steve sounds like an 'oni.' Which is, in fact, a demon. An oni is huge, drinks copiously, is violent and outrageously strong and violent. They are, if not worshipped, certainly respected. And you wouldn't want one in a drinking establishment, but I do have one question: who gets the job of telling him he is not welcome? Who handles that guy's -- or those guys' -- insurance?
This is a good 100-word story, and I'll bet it took you ages. I certainly hope it did; my 100-word stories took approximately three times longer to write than any of my longer ones. | Oh dear.
Written by Snodlander (507 comments posted) 26th January 2007 | I'm moved to explain myself, which means this isn't a total success.
I had in mind the football fan who says "Beckham? He's a God". Not meaning that he had divinic powers, but that he was respected. There was a Radio Active sketch parodying this many years ago. Amongst the drinking classes there is a vein that respects a man that can drink and fight. There was one in Kent, whose name was known throughout the Kent County Constabulary. You went mob-handed, reinforced by other divisions, when you wanted to question him.
So it appealed to me to take it literally, as in Act of God.
I'm not sure that insurance policies exclude acts of demonic powers.
As for publicans that bar troublemakers, well publicans are a magical breed with mystical powers over men. My dad would threaten to give them a big wet sloppy kiss in front of their mates if they caused trouble. No small threat from a 20 stone man.
I thought of the idea walking from work to my bike, had the structure pretty much down by the time I started the ride home. Wrote the first draft in 10 minutes. It was 85 words long. Added another sentence or two and bingo.
I'm really sorry
*snigger* |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 26th January 2007 | What a great dad you had, Snodlander, and I can certainly see how you acquired that sense of humor. Whether nature or nurture, your Dad obviously had a real impact, bless him. Question: Did he ever make good on that threat?
These cultural issues are often sadly lost on me and I grovel in shame. Either I don't review things that I think might be culturally based, or I just plunge right in and put my two cents' worth in anyway, and guess which path I almost invariably take?
Anyway, even if I did not appreciate the underlying cultural link, I enjoyed your story. |
Written by ellipinnock (1786 comments posted) 27th January 2007 | Liked this. Good punchline and the idea of remote islanders (they have to be clad in lin-cloths for some reason - with beaded tassels...) worshipping this bloke instead of their volcano really tickled me.
I can't believe I'm going to say this...but there's some stuff you could probably cut out of this and still keep the impact...
Elli
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Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 28th January 2007 | There's always one (at least)
I always look forward to your stuff Snods. I can't remember ever being disappointed.
This one's not for me though. I've sat and tried to put my finger on why - it seems unfair to condemn without giving a reason, but I can't. Perhaps it's just one of those things - you can't please everybody all of the time.
I'll still be looking forward to your next piece, in fact I think I've spotted one further up the list for later.
Sorry to be the only dissenting voice,
Phil. |
Written by andybyers (181 comments posted) 7th September 2007 | This is so cool. I wanna go back in time and write this first.  |
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