I don’t like Margaret Atwood and have never read any of her books, but I think she understands what this is. This waiting. This feeling of having a story but no people, places, or events to pin it on. This emptiness where nothing dwells except the nameless conviction that there is something important to say if only it could be caught and made to fit into words. Being before a story she calls it, and she might be right, but I’ve been before a story all my life. It must be only the big name authors like Ms. Atwood who know how to step into the story and me – sitting in my chair this snowy, sleepy, Sunday evening – I am still just before a story.
Perhaps a story eludes me because I’m not very brave. After all, a real story requires courage to live, exacts a price in the telling, and can never be untold. Perhaps, because I have done more watching than living, there is not enough of me to make a story. I can’t speak of war, rape, violence. I know nothing of fierce battles, wild adventures, great success. All I have to work with is the everyday, the fairly average, gleanings from the mundane. Or perhaps, like so many of us in here, I am just the victim of a tired mind, a weary heart, a body desperate for death. Perhaps there isn’t really anything important to say, no easy way to sum up my life and give it meaning at the end, no story to tell.
Sometimes, though, as I watch the people passing on the street below, I wonder if there just aren’t too many stories, too many twists, too many turns, too many lose ends. Impossible to connect them, link them, explain them. A tall woman juggles purse, keys, and coffee. Those two boys push and shove each other down the sidewalk. That old man stamps the snow off his boots on his way into the hardware store. Every smile, every footfall, every glance holding a million untold stories of such depth and beauty the human heart is not bold enough to hold it. So we look away, pull our coat collars tighter under our chins, draw the curtains across the window, and hide in the hollows of our own worlds untouched. For who can begin to grasp, who can begin to conceive, who can bear to begin believing that we might all be the same, might all be connected, might all belong to each other’s stories in ways we may never understand?
Too many stories. No story at all. Whatever the problem – I’m facing the end without one. All my life I’ve been waiting for characters, a setting, a plot, a surprise ending, a happy ending, a moral, a message, a point. Waiting for the theme that would make sense of me and the days I’ve owned. Waiting for a way to take the message of me to the world. Waiting for words to decide what is important to say. Waiting before a story.
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Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 29th January 2007 | I think we are connected to each other -- we do 'belong in each other's stories.' But that is what I find so wonderful about the whole idea of stories -- fiction or non-fiction. All the connections, the things in common, the shared experiences, bitter and sweet, crushingly boring or exciting.
Pardon me for sounding corny, but don't wait to take your message to the world -- just do it. This story of yours about NOT having a story is a good, well-written start. Whether you write about fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan or your latest root canal experience, if you are alive, you have a story. To hell with the theme, just crack out the story. Might as well have some fun in this life.
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Written by Snodlander (501 comments posted) 29th January 2007 | I'm with Witzl on this (Dammit, I'm going to violently disagree with her on the next review, just for the hell of it). Stories can be exotic, plot-ridden and have a point. Or they can be the most mundane ordinary stuff, but told in a way that thrills, or at least gets the reader to the last word.
Just write. Who knows? Maybe it's the story that's waiting for you. You certainly have the skill, based on this. |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 29th January 2007 | Ah and that's the beauty of imagination - the ability to bridge the gap between experience and possibility - sounds pretentious doesn't it but I do kind of believe that...
Enjoyed the read and look forward to whatever story you step into...
Elli |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 30th January 2007 | I have to ask you this: How do you know you don't like Margaret Atwood if you haven't read anything she has written?
My kids do this to me all the time: 'Not spinach again! We hate that!' And yet they've never, to my certain knowledge, ventured to eat a leaf of spinach. They THINK they'll hate it, so they're having none of it.
Go on -- go out and read just one book by Margaret Atwood! The Handmaiden's Tale -- (?) -- I thought that was very good. And there are plenty of others out there . . . |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 30th January 2007 | I'll second witzl on the matter of the handmaid's tale (again i cant remember the title exactly!) - a very good read i thought.
Elli |
Written by Phil (6683 comments posted) 31st January 2007 | On Maragret Atwood: read one - The Robber Bride - don't bother.
There haven't been so many comments about your writing, most have commented on your 'difficulties.' Well I thought this was a very well crafted piece of work. Every word was weighed for effect (I expect) and it was structured so well. This had an almost poetic feel to it. You can certainly write. Thoroughly good piece.
I'd love to see more from you.
Phil. |
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