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Poetry
Will it Arrive?
By maipenrai
29 January 2007
I let my gaze drift over
the tired and hungry crowd,
they had been stood there for hours,
hoping that today it would happen,
children, mothers, the old
with faces that seemed to have
lived a thousand years,
wizened by a lifetime of living
with the relentless burning of the sun.

each family head clutching the
prized and precious ticket
given to them by the aid workers,
for without the ticket
there would be no food,
the anticipation was tangible
the tension high, nervous mutterings and
anxious glances across the desert waste,
would it arrive?

the relief convoy
would it arrive?

Reviews

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 28th January 2007
This paints a desperate picture effectively. I like it, but I can't help but wonder if this would be better off as a descriptive prose piece - not reportage, but descriptive, almost poetic prose. There's probably so much to say about this and you've seen (so it seems) things that the rest of us only witness second hand through the media. 
 
Just a thought. 
 
Phil.
thanks
Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 28th January 2007
thanks Phil, I work in Aid, this was based on food distribution in Northern Afghanistan.

Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 29th January 2007
"They had been stood here" - no, no, no! 
 
"nervious"? Nervous perhaps? 
 
Again, an interesting(ish) narrative. You may be better writing prose? 
 
Oli 
Thanks
Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 29th January 2007
Thanks Oli for your comments

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