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Poetry
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Never Today
By pandora
29 January 2007
Never Today


Tomorrow...

I will not feel sad

Tomorrow...

the pain will ease

Tomorrow...

I will find my laughter

Tomorrow...

the past will fade

Tomorrow...

I will be loved

Tomorrow...

I will not wish for death

Tomorrow...

I will feel safe

Tomorrow...

I will not cry

Tomorrow...

the mirror will not be my enemy

Tomorrow...

I will not feel snared

Tomorrow...

I will not feel like screaming

Tomorrow...

I will sleep without terror

Tomorrow...

I will not breakdown

Tomorrow...

I will not mourn

Tomorrow...

I will not feel sorrow

Tomorrow...

my trauma will heal

Tomorrow...

my ailing heart will find relief

Tomorrow...

I will live


Tomorrow...
Tomorrow...
Tomorrow...

What happened to yesterday and today?


Copyright © 2007 Sheri Altman. All Rights Reserved.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6388 comments posted) 28th January 2007
I like this with reservations. My take is that you don't need to repeat tomorrow before every line. It makes for a difficult and monotonous read. The piece could have ended on: Tomorrow I will live. If you are to keep the last line, I think it needs developing a little. 
 
Just a personal response. 
 
Phil.
Similar thoughts .....
Written by Bagheera (679 comments posted) 29th January 2007
A brilliant tutor whose memory I still respect thirty years after sitting entranced in his lectures once tossed off the casual comment that, in his opinion, "Poetry is saying as much as possible in the ABSOLUTE MINIMUM number of words". 
It's for this reason I feel that Phil's point about NOT repeating the word "tomorrow" is worth thinking about.  
Try tightening it up here and there - one or two lines are almost a re-statement of something which has already been said.
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow...
Written by Talisker (1300 comments posted) 29th January 2007
creeps in this petty pace from day to day, and all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death...etc etc... 
 
I suppose if Billy Waggadagger got away with the repetition, why can't you?  
 
The problem I have with this is not all the "tomorrows" - its just the lack of anything insightful to say - "tomorrow everything will be better" - yeh, let's hope so, but so what? 
 
Oli
Thanks
Written by pandora (15 comments posted) 29th January 2007
Thanks for the critiques. I love all suggestions on my work. Some think that people just want praise, I just want the truth in a constructive manner. 
 
If you don't like something, fine. What is the suggestion. 
 
Here I go again because of that stupid comment. 
 
I'll stop ranting :) 
 
Thanks again.

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 29th January 2007
mmm - with the others in terms of the repeated tomorrows...nice idea but i reckon you could trim some of the cliched lines out of here and chuck in a few more unique to you type thoughts (if you get what i mean). 
 
as it is i found it quite flat, bit too generic maybe - there was no hook for me to make me identify with the piece - JMO 
 
Elli

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