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Poetry
Burnt Sticks
By maipenrai
29 January 2007
We were exhausted as we
rode along the mountain pass,
the Afghan sun had taken
it's toll on both
man and beast.

for four days
we had ridden hard
for peace was at hand,
and we must not fail
at this meeting of the tribes.

our hearts sank
when we came across
the burnt sticks
scattered across the our path,
for we knew full well
the message of the sticks.

a warning!, go no further,
for changes had taken place
amongst the tribes and
we were no longer welcome,
any resolution to the conflict
was now doomed to failure.

dejected and weary
we turned away,
our mission was ended and
it was four days ride
back to Kabul and,
here , here in the mountains
the blood would soon run.





Reviews

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 28th January 2007
Again effective piece - but still crying out for some expanded highly descriptive narrative. Sorry to harp on. 
 
Phil.
thanks
Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 28th January 2007
Thanks Phil, you harp on as much as you like mate :grin  
 
it make's me look at the pieces again and again to see if I can think of making some improvement. 
Bernie

Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 29th January 2007
Interesting, but just a stretched out narrative rather than a poem. 
 
Perhaps you could write a short story about this? 
 
Oli

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 29th January 2007
Read quite a lot of your stuff recently - full of some powerful and disturbing imagery. 'Poetically' (what does that mean anyway?) a mixed bag for me - some better than others BUT I find myself deeply curious and interested in many of the pieces...another voice to the clamour suggesting that some prose on some of these subjects would be very well received? 
 
Still either way it's thought provoking stuff. 
 
Elli
Thanks
Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 29th January 2007
Oli, Ellipinnock thank you both for your comments.

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