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For Children
The Atenstone bitesize 6
By Songster
29 January 2007
Next instalment.


The cat paused  in his story and, as the silence extended, Tuppence felt her eyes beginning to close.
 “Wake up,” he said.
 She jerked awake. “Oh, er, sorry,”  she said.
 “It is I who am sorry,” he said, “I know you are tired but it is most important I tell you the rest of my story tonight.”
She sat up straight to show her attention as he took up his story again.
 “We entered the granaries ready for an easy victory but these were no ordinary rats. They were creatures of the dark, enormous and powerful.  A mighty and bloody battle ensued.
  I was so proud of my men and women who fought so bravely against such odds.  They fought and killed without ceasing but still the black shapes kept on coming like the Nile in flood.  I had been over confident, we were too few.   
 I found, suddenly, that I was surrounded with only a few of my companions fighting around me.   I saw Lady Bastet near the entrance.   ‘Ladies Bastet and Defre,’ I cried, ‘Call the retreat!  Lead everyone out of the granaries.
 Lord Meris, Lord Amret, fight shoulder to shoulder with me to protect the retreat.  We will make a good accounting before we are overcome.’
   I fought a defensive action only, remembering that I must not, myself, take life.  Lord Meris fell.  I saw a great, black rat bending to give him the death bite, and I forgot the decree.  I sunk my teeth into the neck of the beast and rejoiced in its death.  Then I fought to protect my fallen companion but, at last, I was borne down by the sheer weight of many attackers.  The last thing I was aware of, before my eyes closed, was a rat chewing through the thong of the Atenstone.
I had not suspected that the theft of the Atenstone was their aim.  Once they had achieved that, they disappeared as quickly as they had
come. 
 Lord Amret carried me out of the granaries.  Meris survived his wounds but mine were mortal, I died.”
 Tuppence opened her mouth to ask him how he could have died and be here now. At a glance from him she thought better of it.
 “I am immortal and had supposed that, with my spirit released, I would return to my position as god," he said, "I was wrong."
 “A cunning trap had been set and had now been sprung.  I had called on the Atenstone to hold the shape ‘secure and fast’ and, without the Atenstone to undo the spell, I am doomed to live, and die, and be reborn to the same tiresome business of being a cat again and again.  This is my punishment for the taking of life.  As for my brave men and women, their fate was to live as cats, and die without ever being able to return to their human shapes.
 I was reborn not long after the battle. At first the search for the Atenstone was of the utmost importance to all. As soon as I was old enough I set out to search with those warriors, men and women, who had survived but I had not thought to add long life to the cat body. I returned past my prime and with a group of companions grown old before their time.
 Many new kittens had been born as we travelled. They too were keen to continue the search.  Once we returned, however, as generation succeeded generation, the story of the Atenstone became a legend to be listened to impatiently by kittens who preferred to go hunting. Eventually, even the gift of true speech was lost. The people of Egypt continued to honour cats, as they do to this day, but they do not remember the true reason why.
  As for me, I was left to continue the search on my own. So many times have I had it almost within reach, only to have it snatched away at the last minute. Sometimes I fear it will always be so.”
 He stopped speaking and sat still as a statue. His eyes had a faraway look, fixed on memories of a time hundreds of lifetimes ago.
Tuppence was tired and, though fascinated, she was finding it all hard to take in. There were lots of questions she wanted to ask but now she just had to interrupt.
  “If,” she ventured, “If you find the magic stone, will all the cats in the world turn into people?”
 “No,”  he said, “for that they would have to be linked to me as I touch the stone. The great lords and ladies of Egypt were cats on the outside but human inside. It has been too long. Today cats are cats inside. They have no memories of a time before they were cats and are happy as they are – it is better that they should remain so.
 “I’m really sorry you lost the stone,”  she said, "I just don’t understand what it has to do with me.”
“You,” he said, “are the one who can, at last, help me to regain it.” 


 

Reviews

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 29th January 2007
The story is moving on - but I might point out it's a little static. They've been in the bedroom for a few posts now. Not a problem for me, but I think children may start to get a little restless. I'm not sure you need to explain all of this in one go like this. 
 
Still keeping my interest, and I suppose that is one of the most important tests - takng the reader with you. As I've hinted above though, I'm not sure a ten year old would still be reading. 
 
Speech marks. If someone speaks over a paragraph break, I think you are supposed to start the paragraph with inverted commas. 
 
Keep it going, 
 
Phil.

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