Quicklinks:
Short S. | Poetry | Not News | Scripts | Comedy | Non-Fiction | SF | Crime | For Kids | Extended | Village
Great Writing - Home > Poetry > death of an addict
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1133 guests online and 3 members online
Poetry
print friendly version     
death of an addict
By ellipinnock
29 January 2007
Another experiment of sorts

the end
of a lifetime of addiction
to the infinite variations of pain:

the hammer blow
that leaves you insensate
for a second
before the steady outward blossoming
becomes all consuming;

the stab of acupuncture pinpricks
that steal your breath
for a second
grabbing gasps from you
as you grope for air
a sensation so acute, so unbearable
so close to pleasure;

the excruciatingly dull ache
that muddles your wits
for hours
your twisting turning contortions
provide no relief -

like eeyore, you act
lugubrious, a pain in the neck
to others in your blue funk
of bummed out, wretched
crestfallen misery;

neither bereft, nor tortured,
nor merely miffed; not rueful
or battered or mutiliated;

self-laceration -
stigma of the cynic,
mark of the masochist
or mindless trauma of the addict
taking refuge in chemical interplay -
nothing more or less
than an organic lottery,
not your responsibility,
it's in your genes after all;

evangelical brethren kneel
by your bedside pleading,
we feel your pain,
we can take it away;

could they take away His?

only one way,
you hold your breath,
drown in the pain,
the last overdose of the addict.








Reviews

Written by Phil (6845 comments posted) 29th January 2007
Very difficult to comment on Elli. I have no idea about this as although I've done many stupid things in the past - I thankfully never got mixed up in stuff like this. 
 
 
I hope this helps, I'll point out the bits I thought were particularly effective. 
Second verse, first four lines. 
Self-laceration through to end. 
 
That's not to say the rest was not worthy, those were the bits that worked really well for me. Not sure about the Eeyore verse. Not the Eeyore bit, the middle three lines - they seem so much more informal than the rest. 
 
For someone who said they were going to find it difficult to comment, I seem to have written quite a bit. Hope it is of some use. 
 
All the best, Phil. 

Written by Fledermaus (3448 comments posted) 29th January 2007
Hm... It's OK I guess, with all the powerful metaphors, but it lacks your typical Elli-style, that magical touch. I'm not sure about this one.
a brutel honest
Written by maipenrai (784 comments posted) 29th January 2007
a brutal, honest, hard hitting piece on a differcult subject.
Ta
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 30th January 2007
Thanks for the comments. 
 
Not a personal piece as such this one although it is loosely based on an acquaintance of mine who was a bit of a stoner - walked across a level crossing one evening whilst under the influence and was killed by a train.  
 
I've always wondered what drives people into self-destructive behaviour. Anyway, thanks for taking the time to comment - it's not a piece I'm particularly happy with - the muse has left she wails she wails! 
 
Elli

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!
 Previous item   Next item
This site is copyright 2005 - 2007 Great Writing. Work submitted by members remains the copyright of the respective authors.
See our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.