Highly personal, and I don't know if it speaks to anyone else. Remarks welcome, in order to find that out. There will be a series of poems following that link together from here; they will cover three decades, but some are recent and some not so recent.
I hung my learned mind upon a tree
called Knowledge, with a unicorn to guard
virginity. Ice stood upon my heart
and sealed its running river diamond-hard.
If there were some who walked torch-lit, the shield
of frost between us kept small warmths at bay,
while the proud challenge of the unicorn
dismayed those gallants used to easy prey.
I knew a mind whose core was scorched, whose pain
was that his soul had known too deep a fire.
He sought the frost as balm, embracing cold;
and showed me warmth can understand desire.
Then you came. All the river strove for spring.
The unicorn, though shy and ill at ease,
bore with the broadening music that my soul
sang; and still laid his head upon my knees.
He could not strike at you, when you approached
with innocence; he bowed to honour bright.
We sent away the unicorn, to lay
flesh upon flesh, delight upon delight.
Your music fills the river, bearing words
that go unheard till they are understood;
Now I, who know his wonder was my pain,
rejoice the unicorn is gone for good.
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=)
Written by tabarejos (21 comments posted) 30th January 2007 |
| all encompassing. this is, when written, living. |
Written by Talisker (1367 comments posted) 30th January 2007 |
I will delay a full review until later, when I have tome to do this justice.
Suffice to say that this is a quality of writing seldom seen on GW.
N.B. 2nd stanza, penultimate line - typo whose (those?)
Oli  |
Tome/Time!
Written by Talisker (1367 comments posted) 30th January 2007 |
| Oops! |
typo
Written by fellpony (2937 comments posted) 30th January 2007 |
| ... corrected, ta! |
Written by Phil (8764 comments posted) 30th January 2007 |
I'm not going to pretend I understood all the layers in this because I didn't, although I got more and more for successive reads.
Loved the cadence this has throughout - it reads very smoothly with a very gentle pulse. I thought the images were very strong and particularly visual. The last six lines were especially strong.
Really liked. (Pretty jealous - this is a style I wouldn't even attempt) I think this is one I'll come back to and probably get more from in subsequent reads.
This may be a daft thing to say, and I'm certainly not comparing, but it made me think of Coleridge.
Phil. |
the last six lines
Written by fellpony (2937 comments posted) 30th January 2007 |
are strong because you have taken the trouble - thank you - to read through many of the layers in the remainder of the poem. Without them, those last six lines would be fairly mundane.
Hmm, now I am going to have to go back and read Xanadu, and probably Christobel. I don't know Coleridge all that well.
I am glad it appears to make sense, anyway. I am too close sometimes to be able to tell.
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rhymes
Written by fellpony (2937 comments posted) 30th January 2007 |
were completely accidental in that last post. Oops. Must have been doing too much.
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OK, so...
Written by Talisker (1367 comments posted) 31st January 2007 |
I do not feel particularly comfortable doing a review for a poet who is far more accomplished than I am. I feel the same with Brian (Patterjack).
Anyhow, thats what we are here for, so I'll give it a go.
The basis of the first two stanzas, i.e. the cold/hot, ice/thaw metaphor works very well indeed. I love the way you point out how hot needs cold and vice versa, a great way to describe how opposites attract. Thus, frigidity is a challege rather than an intractable problem...very clever.
Being a "horsey" person (pardon me), I guess a white unicorn is a natural choice of beast to represent your chastity. And when you sent him away, one can only imaging how flame melts ice!
The denouement, nay (neigh?) climax! Well, how wonderfully resolved! The unicorn can go and guard another's precious "thyme", now the fully fledged Sue has better things to do!
In summary, this is, as you say, a highly personal poem. It happens also to be a very, very accomplished piece indeed. I would neither criticise, nor suggest changing a single syllable.
Oli
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Written by ellipinnock (1816 comments posted) 2nd February 2007 |
I've come back to this a few times now. Like Oli I liked the complementarity between hot and cold attitudes to sexuality and thought the first and third stanzas excellent in communicating this.
The content of the second stanza I also liked but I wasn't so keen on the unicorn as the guardian of virginity. I can see where you're coming from but for me it was a little trite. Also, I had Tracy Chevalier's 'The lady and the unicorn' in my head which made the unicorn seem like a kind of inappropriate symbol ofr virginity.
'your shield was honour bright' - intriguing phrase but confuses me a little. I like the previous line but then lose the logic a little. I can tie the honour and innocence together but the shield reference loses me.
'Now I who know his wonder was my pain.' - you know he was wondering at your pain or you were pained by his wonder? Lost me again there.
Despite the bits I didn't like as an exploration of an emotional journey I thought it very powerful. Certainly it was interesting and left me thinking. I hope this is in some way constructive and I'm not just being dense!
Elli |
unicorns
Written by fellpony (2937 comments posted) 3rd February 2007 |
... have certainly started a few things out of the dusty corners of the brain. However, the discussions and questions do indicate that there are lots of subtexts that "I know about" that are being mistranslated by readers, which also shows that although for me this was a finished poem, there is more work to be done on it. Either that, or it needs to be linked with another, possibly more than one, preceding it, and that might take some of the mystery out of layers that are being interpreted differently from what I mean.
Unicorns: lots of overlays of other people's mental connections in the responses, some from books that were not thought of let alone written when I wrote this poem - it's possible the authors were even still at school. "Lady and the Unicorn" is a book I haven't read, but I do know that the medieval tapestry of that name is hotly debated as to its "meanings". Unicorn in "Heraldic": a non-physical, academic, chaste attitude, that can be OK while growing up but in adulthood becomes hard to sustain. (Fact: I had just completed a four year degree course, living-in at a mainly female, Church funded, quite strait-laced college.)
Background is rural 1970's when the permissive society had not yet reached Cumbria. (Example: the fact that I had been away at the above mentioned college made me a sophisticate in the eyes of the local community!) Perhaps if I titled this poem "Medieval" it would give more of the flavour of that.
BUT a poem should not need justifications and explanations. So more work is evidently needed even if the changes to the poem are eventually only a word here or there. My thanks to all who have reviewed, from the pleased to the puzzled, the public to the private. The cogs are in motion.
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