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Poetry


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She Dances

By timon

30 January 2007

any feedback gratefully received...

Her dress, dancing her across the floor,
The kind that swishes as she spins
The stroke of silk against her skin
Skirts twirling to the floor.

The pinching bodice cinches her waist
Hourglass she appears
Neckline splashed with sparkling gems
Cuffs of creamy lace.

I stare
from the shadows
As she glitters.
I do not.

Reviews

Written by Clifftown (642 comments posted) 31st January 2007

I thought this was lovely; it conjured up some wonderful images, with the beautiful dress and the sparkling gems. I also loved the last line - simple but so effective.

Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 31st January 2007

The last stanza has some gravitas - a modicum of bitter emotion.

I'm afraid the rest of the poem is a fairly plain/vanilla description, lacking in any great imagination.

Not without promise though, please keep trying, timon!

Oli

Written by JourneyAtNight (318 comments posted) 31st January 2007

I like this, I can almost see it in slow motion - the glittering and twirling silk. I thought the last stanza was effective too.

Best wishes,

E

Written by Fledermaus (3489 comments posted) 31st January 2007

I agree with Oli. It's the last stanza that did it. The rest is nice, but it has been done a thousand times. Yet those last two lines are brilliant.

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