I realized that I write alot of poetry. But that's just what i think so I am going to write a comedy script instead.
Narator: I was walking down the hall when the doorbell rang. Instead of getting my burning, probably nuked popcorn, I went and opened the door. I looked outside and I saw no one.
Girl: Hello?
Narator: I took a step outside.
Girl: Is there anyone there?
Narator: Still no one.
Girl: Anyone?
Wind: Noooooooooo
Narator: Sure enough no one was there. But wait....(all movement from characters stop and they look at narator) where'd my answer come from? (characters resume action)
Girl: Show yourself!
Wind: There's no one here.
Narator: Well that didn't make any sence.
Girl: But you're here...
Wind: No I'm not.
Narator: He or she wasn't? I know I'm not crazy. Nobody here thinks I'm crazy, right? Right? Anyway.
Girl: But then why am I hearing you're voice.
Wind: You're not, it's all in your head.
Girl: Who are you?
Wind: I am the wind....you can't see nor hear me.
Narator: But I was hearing it.
Wind: No you're not.
Narator: Hey! I'm not appart of the story!
Wind: Oh sorry.
Girl: Stupid.
Narator: Anyway I was hearing it.
Girl: But I am hearing you.
Wind: No you're not.
Narator: Finally I got sick of argueing with the old stubborn thing, and I went back into my house. A few minutes later I was sitting on my couch eating my blackened popcorn and the doorbell rang again. I was annoyed so I shouted:
Girl: Go Away!
Narator: It turns out that wasn't the wind. It was my best friend. Now she really mad at me and hasn't spoken to me in a week. I told her what happened but she didn't believe me. But this story might actually have been an excuse.
Wind: (voice change) Yah, she was asleep on the couch the whole time. (winks at audience).
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Written by Phil (6845 comments posted) 1st February 2007 |
You really ought to give your work a thorough proof before you 'publish' it here. There were several spelling and grammar errors that detracted from the flow of the script as I read. Even if you find that kind of thing hard, some of your errors should have been spotted by a spell/grammar checker.
Humour, especially acted humour is difficult to get across in the printed form. I'm afraid to say, this didn't even raise a smile. This could be my lack of imagination, or it could be that this just isn't funny. Bizarre? - possibly - Funny? - not for me.
Sorry,
Phil. |
Yup
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 1st February 2007 |
My learned college above above is right you need to check the spelling before posting.
The inclusion of gags that don't work will cripple any comedy piece, but when one omits tham altogether, you're on a sure loser.
Brave of you try though.
Givitsum |
Written by coosh (888 comments posted) 1st February 2007 |
| with the udders, in a nutshill. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3450 comments posted) 2nd February 2007 |
Firstly well done for having a go at humour; for some reason few attempt it compared to poetry or short stories , so good on yer girl for that. For me the humour ,here, is hinted at rather than executed on the page and really too slight, Humour is to be found on the outer edges rather than in the main stream. Trust me if it had been stonger no-one would have noticed the typos.
But don't stop,now. Practise makes perfect
cheers
J |
chin up
Written by pnc-creative (30 comments posted) 3rd February 2007 |
I think I sort of got it but to be honest, comedy is really a 3D form of writing and relies on more than just words. You can have a subtle script that only comes alive with great actors, or something that sizzles on the page but dies in the hands of bad casting.
It's not easy but keep trying. There are some fantastic books out there. "How to write a TV sitcom" is a good place to start. Even if it's not a sitcom you're aiming for, this book has plenty of DOs and DON'Ts which will help you craft a good piece of work.
The other thing to bear in mind with comedy is that you will have to re-write and re-write, as Cy and I have found out, without losing the freshness.
Like I said, keep trying and posting. It would be good to see how you develop.
PNC x |
sorry
Written by bloodange77 (38 comments posted) 20th February 2007 |
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Written by bloodange77 (38 comments posted) 20th February 2007 |
| As with above. sorry, I don't happen to be in college. In fact, I'm only in tenth grade. As for the spellling, I usually check it, I was in a hurry that day. I was in my computer class and it was almost time to stop checking our grades. This was a class I had, I don't usually write scripts. I usually act them out. |
Never apologise
Written by wltshr (341 comments posted) 27th March 2007 |
Hi bloodange77
Never apologise!
Being english, I have absolutely no idea how old being in tenth grade makes you. You could be 7 or 17. No idea!
However, had it been clear from the start that the narrator and the girl were the same person it would have made it an easier read.
(I presume that the Narrator voiced the girl's thoughts whilst the girl herself spoke out loud.)
Reasonably humorous twist at the end.
Keep going. Read some of the other stuff on the comedy section of the site. If it's funny, why? If not, why not?
Writing good poetry is hard. You need to recognise what makes it good. Good comedy is the same.
All criticism is hard to take but at least on this site it's nearly always constructive.
But what do I know?
Wltshr |
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