As Glynis rightly pointed out, I posted up chapter 35 twice, so I have now deleted the second entry, and posted up chapter 36!

Sorry about that!

Chapter 36

For a minute or two, time seemed to stand still, and the only sounds to be heard were the car's engine running, and Rosie's heartrending sobs, as she clung to her daddy for dear life.  He flinched as he felt a hand on his shoulder, it was the car driver.

"I'm so sorry, mate!" he said, his voice shaking - he was very pale.  "but she ran straight in front of me!  I tried my best to stop!  I really am sorry - is there anything I can do?"

"You don't have to apologise!" said Jon, wincing as the pain really began to set in.  "It wasn't your fault!  I'm only grateful you were driving within the speed limit!  Don't worry, I think my worst injury is bruised pride!"

"Please, let me help you up!  It's the least I can do!  Are you sure your little one is all right?  I don't know what I'd do if I....."

He stopped short, quite unable to carry on.  The shock of what had happened was beginning to set in.  Donna rushed over to see what was going on, closely followed by Eileen.  As usual, Eileen was her usual calm self, and immediately took charge.

"You concentrate on Jon and Rosie" she said, putting her hand on her arm.  "I'll take this gentleman inside, and give him a cup of tea!  I think he needs it!  Don't worry, he'll be all right!"

With that, she took his arm, and steered him towards her house.  Donna stared after her for a minute, thinking how calm and capable she was, before turning her attentions to her husband and her little girl.

She came back into the living room with two steaming hot cups of tea, and placed them on the table.  She glanced at Jon, who sat there, his eyes closed, holding his chest.  He appeared to be in considerable pain, and, judging by his lack of colour, he was in shock, too. She put a tentative arm on his shoulder, but he did not respond.

"I think you should go to hospital, love!" she said, softly.  "Make sure you haven't broken anything!  You went down with one hell of a bang!"

"I don't need to!" he whispered, still not looking at her.  "I'm all right!  I'm just bruised, that's all!   I think I've badly grazed my hip, too - but I daren't look!  Can I have some painkillers, please?  That's all I need!"

"If you're sure!" said Donna, doubtfully. "I'll get them for you!  Make sure you drink this cup of tea - it'll help with the shock!"

As she left the room, he slowly leaned forward, groaning with pain, and picked up the cup from the table.  His hands shook as he lifted it up, and he swiftly put it down again - he did not want to be scalded as well as everything else!  Donna reappeared with the painkillers, and held his arm steady as he swallowed them, and drank his cup of tea.  Rosie, in the meantime, was watching intently, not knowing whether or not to cry.  She climbed up on to the sofa, and sat down next to her daddy.  She could see he was in pain, so she did not lean on him, but just put her hand on his shoulder, and gently kissed him on the cheek.

"Are you all right, daddy?" she said, beginning to cry again.  "I'm sorry I smacked you!  I'm a really naughty girl!"

"I'm all right, Rosie!" he said, not wanting to worry her.  "I'm just bruised, that's all!  Don't worry about me - I'm tougher than I look!"

In the meantime, Donna was watching from the kitchen doorway, tears rolling down her face.  She walked over and sat down next to him, putting a gentle hand on his arm.

"I can't believe you just did that!" she said, her voice shaking.  "You ran out in front of that car without a second thought, to save your little girl's life!  You stood there and let it hit you, to stop it from hitting her!  I am so proud of you - you put your life on the line to save hers!  When I saw that car hit you, my heart was in my mouth, and I felt sick!  Then I realised you were all right!  At first, when you hit the ground, and you didn't move straight away, I thought you were....."

"Don't say it, Donna!  Please, don't say it!  I don't even want to think about it!"

"Hey, come on!  It's all right!  Come on, please, don't cry..."

She held him as tightly as she dared, as tears of overwhelming relief flooded down his face.  He buried his face in her shoulder, as he wept with relief and frustration - frustration at not knowing whether this hug was just for comfort - or whether it was out of love, too. He would just have to wait and find out - in the meantime, not knowing was killing him, he did not know just how much more he could take.

The next morning, he was as stiff as a board, and every movement seemed to cause him pain.  The doctor had told him that the pain was mostly due to the bruising coming out fully, and that it would gradually get easier as the days passed.  He was definitely not complaining while Donna played her role as nursemaid, offering him tea and sympathy.  However, it was not tea and sympathy he wanted, it was something a little stronger! 

Sometimes, he thought he caught a meaningful glance, and, sometimes, when she rubbed cream on to the grazes on his hip, her hand lingered a little longer than it needed to - or was that his imagination, or just wishful thinking?  He didn't know, but he knew exactly what it was doing to him, and if Donna knew, she certainly wasn't letting on.  After a few days of waiting and wondering, he just could not take any more, and, when the girls and David were finally in bed, he sat down on the sofa next to her, saying he wanted to talk to her.

"Right!" he said, taking her hand in his.  "I'm not going to pussyfoot around any longer, I'm going to ask you outright - do you still fancy me, Donna?  Do you ever feel like ripping my clothes off and making mad passionate love to me?"

"Well!" she replied, not quite sure what to say.  "That was certainly outright enough!  It's not really a fair question at the moment, is it?  You know how things are!"

"Yes, I do!" he said, getting more frustrated by the second.  "How much longer is it going to be like this?  I know you can't just switch your feelings back on, but sometimes I'm not even sure if you want to!  It's so hard to tell!  You never give anything away, sometimes it's like I hardly know you any more!"

His voice shook on the last few words, and he did not trust himself to speak. Donna put her hand on his shoulder, gently massaging it as he struggled with his emotions.  Her touch stirred up feelings deep inside him, but, as usual he suppressed them, because he knew there was no point in doing anything else.  He had felt hope that day she had put her arms around him and held him close, he had thought the old feelings were coming back - now he was not quite so sure.  Although she still looked at him with tenderness, she did not seem to want to get really close to him, and every night he would fall asleep, frustrated and unfulfilled. He did not want to push it, as he did not want to lose her altogether, but, right now, he was very close to breaking point.

"Please, love, don't talk like that!  It will get better, I promise!  I haven't lost all hope - we loved each other before, we can do it again!"

"I don't need to do it again!" he protested.  "I've never stopped loving you in the first place!"

"Do you know what I think we need?" she said, looking very thoughtful.  "A long weekend away!  I'll ask my mum and dad if they'll have the children for us!  If we're completely alone, then we can concentrate on each other, with no distractions!  What do you say?"

"I'll do anything, if it'll help find that spark that we used to have!  It must still be there, somewhere!"

When Donna had explained the situation to her parents, they were only too happy to have the children, and they knew that Joanne and her husband would be only too happy to take them out, as well. They booked a quiet country cottage, in a pretty little seaside village, hoping they would not be disturbed.  They knew it would take more than a long weekend to make everything perfect, but they were hoping it would go some way towards it.

As they looked out of the cottage's living room window, they had a perfect view of the sea - it was so quiet and peaceful, a world away from everyone else, and almost completely cut off from civilisation.  It was what they so desperately needed - time alone together, just the two of them.

The spent the day doing things that they had done before they had a family - long walks, just holding hands and not speaking - there seemed no need for words.  This time, though, it seemed different, they both felt a little uneasy - it was hard to explain why.  They sat outside in a pub's garden, soaking up the sun, and the conversation seemed to flow, and the unease seemed to disappear.  As darkness began to fall, they returned to the cottage, and settled in for the night.  As they sat together at the kitchen table, Donna got up, saying:

"I think a cup of tea would be nice!  Do you want one?"

"Forget the tea, Donna!" he said, getting up and standing behind her.  "We know why we came here, and it wasn't to sit at the kitchen table drinking tea!  Come on - switch that kettle off!"

He put his arms around her waist, and she moaned softly as his lips brushed against her neck.  The bugger, she thought, he knew exactly what to do!  She twisted around in his arms, and ran her fingers up and down his back, making small circles as she did so - at the same time, her lips caressed his neck, driving him out of his mind.  When she lifted her head up, she could not quite fathom the expression on his face, but she did not even intend to try.  Before she could do anything else, he lifted up her chin, and kissed her long and tenderly.

"Oh, God, Donna!"  His voice was husky, and he could not hold back any longer.  "I want you!  I want you so badly!"

"I'm scared, Jon!" she said, her eyes filling with tears. "I don't know why, but I'm scared!  Help me through this, please!  Promise you'll take it slowly - don't rush me!"

"No need to be scared!" he whispered, taking her hand, and leading her into the bedroom.  For a moment, she stood there looking at him, as he lay on the bed, his top half completely devoid of clothing.  God, it had been so long, she'd forgotten just what a perfect physique he had!  She walked slowly over to him, and sat down on the bed, almost as though she was afraid of what might happen next.  He seemed to pick up on this, and gently cupped her face in his hands.

"It'll be all right!" he said, gently kissing her.

As she slowly removed her blouse, he leaned forward and gently took hold of her shoulders.  He gently kissed each bare shoulder, gradually working his way up to her neck.  All the time, he was stirring up feelings she had forgotten were there - feelings of wanting him and craving his touch, so why did she still feel so afraid? She wanted so much to love him, so why couldn't she just let go? He seemed to sense her reluctance, because he hesitated for a moment, and just gazed at her, his eyes questioning.

"It's been so long!" she whispered, stumbling over her words.  "I've almost forgotten what to do! Please, show me!  I feel almost like it's the first time!  I know it sounds stupid...."

"No, it doesn't!" he said, trailing his fingers down her cheek.  "you've been through a lot! It'll take time, but I've got all the time in the world!  Here, let me show you!  Oh God, my heart is going nineteen to the dozen - here, feel it!"

He held her hand to his chest, and as she felt it's strong, steady beat, her other hand found its way under the bedclothes, and he moaned with pleasure, as she took him to the edge of the stars and back again - and again.  When, at last, they lay in each other's arms, with the light of the stars shining into the bedroom, he looked at her.  She lay her head on his chest, the gentle rhythm of his heartbeat gradually lulling her to sleep, and as they lay there, skin to skin, he gently played with her hair, as he thought to himself that he had no need to find out what heaven was like, because as long as he had this beautiful, sweet, giving woman in his arms, he was already there.