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Arms of the Angel - 6
By Storywriter1987
03 February 2007
Hi guys,

Sorry its been a while since my last post but i've had problems. 

Nevertheless here is a chapter.

 

I stood in the kitchen and wondered why I was doing this, Dom, that’s why. Because Debbie was right. I wasn’t meant to be alive, I disgusted everyone and I was a piece of dirt. The knife got closer and closer to my wrist…..

Meanwhile outside the toilets at the dance, Dom and Debbie were having a few heated words. Even though he was covered in Soap from me running into him, he didn’t care at all, he was worried about me.

“What have you done to her? What on gods earth have you done to her? I swear it Debbie if you have hurt her then I will personally see to it that you do not graduate. And you know I can do that, that I have influence.”

“Relax Dommie, baby. I only did what she deserved, and told her a few home truths. Basically I told her what everyone thought of her. I told her to stay away from us so we can have a bit of time alone. You know you want to be with me, not her. That dirty cow doesn’t belong in our world.”

As she said this she got closer and closer and then tried to kiss him, but he was too clever for her and grabbed her arms and pushed her away from him and looked at her smiling face and then a look of shock crossed his face and he pelted it out the hall and to my dorm. Whilst Debbie was smiling as he ran, and quietly laughing. She always got what she wanted.



“Lisa, Lisa it’s me, please don’t do it. I don’t want her I swear it! I know you can hear me. Please let me in, please.”

“Go away Dom, you shouldn’t be here. Go back to your girlfriend, the blonde bitch from my hell. She’s right. I should have guessed you wanted her. Why am I so gullible? I always get taken for a mug.”

At that moment the door crashed open and Dom stood there in front of me, crying. Why was he crying? It couldn’t be because of me, could it? He slowly came towards me and as he walked towards me, talking to me slowly describing all his feeling for me and then he was stood in front of me and his hand edged closer and took the knife out of my hand. It was then I collapsed and luckily he caught me.

A few hours later I awoke in a hospital bed and found Dom’s smiling face looking down at me. His hand squeezing mine and David and Ella standing over me all with tears in their eyes. My darling brother and my best friend and the man I loved, all in the same room, I was truly blessed.
Over the next few months I got better and then on Graduation I felt so happy. Me and David had a photo taken together and so did Ella and Dom then we had a group one. All smiles. All neat people, until that evening.



Now its 5 years down the line and we’ve all had our fair share of life’s ups and downs. David and Ella are engaged and have a little son called Phillip and they have also lost 2 babies. Then there is me and Dom, now engaged to be married and happy in the knowledge that we were going to be parents soon. I was happy when Dominic told me he had always been able to see us together as a family, lucky I had ‘family’ round me.

I woke with a start with a bout of morning sickness only I was 6 and a half months pregnant and hadn’t had any for 4 months. I sat up on the edge of the bed and looked down. All I saw was red. Red, blood. Oh No!

Reviews

Written by LynB (452 comments posted) 3rd February 2007
Hi Clare. This is another good chapter, very powerful and hard hitting. Just a couple of things I would say. The paragraph that begins 'five years down the line' - nothing wrong with it as such, it's just that you pack an awful lot of living into one paragraph. Maybe you could flesh it out a little, describing each event in more detail. Maybe each event could be a chapter in itself. If you need any help on the baby front, I'd be more than willing to give you a hand. 
 
Also, in the last paragraph, you describe morning sickness. I think I'd better point out that morning sickness only usually lasts for the first three months. It's very unusual to have it at six months - and even if you did, it wouldn't be after a four month break. On very rare occasions, sickness lasts throughout the whole nine months, but it's very rare. 
 
That's a little thing that's easily changed, however. Lisa could be feeling sick because she's in pain - that would make it more feasible. 
 
I hope you don't think I'm nit picking - I'm not, I think it's a brilliant story, and I'm enjoying it - but I always try to make sure my chapters are as true to life as I can get them, and if you're a perfectionist like me, then I'm sure you'd want to get it right. I remember doing a lot of research for the chapter in which Jon tries to commit suicide, so I could get the medical details right. 
 
As I say, a great chapter, if you take those two small points in mind. Keep it coming! :)

Written by Storywriter1987 (92 comments posted) 3rd February 2007
Hi Lyn, 
 
Of course i dont think you're nit picking. I wasn't very pleased with it myself. 
 
The 5 years later bit will re appear later on in the story. That was my thinking on that bit.  
 
And the morning sickness - It obviously didn't turn out right. Lisa thought it was morning sickness. But its not it IS because shes on pain so well done you.  
 
Sorry if it didn't turn out quite right.  
 
I am always up for help and idea. So please PM me. 
 
I hope the speeches thing was easy to understand.  
 
 

Written by Glynis (103 comments posted) 5th February 2007
Hi Clare, this story is developing nicely. I will say however that I agree with Lyn about adding more time dimension to the chapters. No, I'm not nit picking either, it's just that it would give the reader much more insight into the main characters and the location. I always think of places that I have been to or seen for that purpose. Remembering nice places, and describing them in words, even if you make up location names, brings a feeling of a living area to the story. Does that make sense?

Written by Storywriter1987 (92 comments posted) 5th February 2007
Hi Glynis, yes it does make sense i have commented to some othere people on another site and they think exactly the same as you did.  
 
 
Thanks for the review adn any helpful guidance is gratefully accepted!

Written by Storywriter1987 (92 comments posted) 8th March 2007
Hi guys,  
 
I would like your opinion on this. 
 
Do any of you want another bit of this story? 
 

Written by LynB (452 comments posted) 9th March 2007
Yes, Clare! I would like that very much! :grin

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