If We Were Married - Great Writing Creative Writing Community

Quicklinks:

Great Writing - Home > Poetry > If We Were Married

READING ROOM

Great Writing - Home

Read and review others' work

Articles on writing

Advice from the community

COMMUNITY

Talk to others in the forums

Events and Competitions

GW News

ABOUT GREAT WRITING

All About Us

WORK AWAITING REVIEW
This list is randomly generated from all our published works. Not gnats by Veronica_Milvus Bogeys by punchy I Go to A School for Imm... by JaCoolie18 Death on the Rogue River by prosperity Vegetable Dreams by Witzl Swat by Beeman English Slacker chapter ... by chrismorton Opposites to all by bobc Samuel Greens and The Zo... by Harrywilo Underground: 16:05 to Co... by no1butClo

GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.

WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1055 guests online and 4 members online johniebg Robru patterjack Katanga

WHO'S ONLINE

johniebg

Robru

patterjack

Katanga

Poetry


print friendly version
If We Were Married

By epifanioben

03 February 2007

The passenger seat is pushed back

What if we were married...

Her right forearm is over her eyes.

and let’s say I was pregnant

Her left hand slides over my wispy arm hairs

and the doctor tells you there’s a complication

The signal light turns red and cars gradually stop

would you choose to save me or the baby?

The answer is the baby, but when I look at her

And you can’t say ‘it depends’ either.

I change my mind.

Reviews

Written by fellpony (1618 comments posted) 3rd February 2007

cleverly written and very spare.

One or two things that i had to think about: why say "left hand" - why not just "her hand"? I assume you're in a country where cars are right hand drive. But is that important? And "wispy arm hairs", sorry, made me giggle, not what you want at all.

The line about the cars stopping has a good image, but rhythm there jars a bit.

Liked the use of alternate lines and italic to express the woman's side of the dialogue - to which "you" don't contribute except by thought and observation.

Gives a good idea of the selfish female "need to talk" and the male "need to defend by silence". Well constructed and believable with a real tension inside it.

Written by Phil (6738 comments posted) 3rd February 2007

Liked this, with Fellpony on the wispy arm hairs, it just doesn't sit well with the rest of the piece.

Phil.

Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register.

Previous item		Next item