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Non-Fiction
The State of Young Kids Today
By CoLife
03 February 2007
I wrote this a while ago, i apologise for any swearing or crudeness but it came from the heart! Also a lot of it would probably make more sense if you live in the Uk :)

When I was young, say 11,  i was completely petrified by the older kids in our school, especially one guy that used to shout 'HELLO!!' in my face quite regularly as i walked home from school. They just seemed so tall and gangly, their eyes full of smugness and wisdom. It was, to an innocent and well-behaved young nerd, scary. 

I would never even CONSIDER taking the piss out of them or acting as if i was ABOVE them, like the little year 7 buggers did when I became a Year 11, including one little brat of about 3ft tall, that once said 'MOVE ya bitch' in the corridor..

How can they do that without quivering in fear that we might pick them up by the feet and push their squishy heads down the toilet? And how come the little girls look like such slags - how come they wear truckloads of make up, hang round in big crowds and stare at you like they just stood in you?It's easy to say 'because they're chavs' but what about the higher class variety... I used to have no idea, but now i know.



Me and my (surprisingly fun to hang with) sister, Loz, found ourselves in Toys R Us last weekend, a place that at one point in my life was like a big, musical, sparkly Heaven. We stolled in nervously, and as soon as I saw the ROBOT DINOSAURS it was like my whole childhood was thrown in my face, back to the future style. 

My only real childhood friend, Barbie of course, is soo OUT now, even in the blinding PiNk of the girls aisle she was few and far between. Why? Surely the legend of Barbie can never be beaten? I'll tell you why, because she has a replacement - those flabby lipped, droopy eyed sluts the BRATZ, that look like the spawn of Pete Burns and come in about 200 different styles and sizes with 10 times as many prositute-esque outfits.





They don't just have the standard guy doll, eg Ken - just one figure of manliness for Barbie to get her lovin' -  they have about six guy ones, it's disgusting to imagine what for (despite that they were all clearly homosexual) complete with 'hip' names like Bryson, and River - I'm sorry but when was a simple Kenneth not good enough??


'Bryce' -  




 

'Ponce' -




I was musing over this and have realised over time that there is one reason for these unnatural she-male dolls. So that both genders of BrAtz can go out and get wasted and/or coked up at some LA movie premiere and have mad plastic sex round the back, as suggested by the little illustrations on the boxes - for example, some burlesque-show-styled  Brat, barefoot, straddling a guy as he carries her around. Probably to some bins, or any other conveniently placed back alley.
It wouldn't surprise me if the manufacturers are in the process of designing plastic reproductive organs to complete their night out.



Not like in my day when Barbie had an appropriate smoothed-over area, and Ken donned a pair of tasteful flesh coloured y-fronts that were fused to his body from birth.


The scariest moment of the day was when we found a 'CHANGE MY FACE!' Brat, of which you could press a button at the back of her head, and her face-like-a-smacked-ass expression would move around. Her sad face was some kind of numb droop of the mouth like she'd just had anaesthetic injected into the chin, whilst the 'smile' pushed the corners of her mouth up, just slightly, in fact you could hardly see it at all.  So they're also condoning botox to the children of today, well I must say I am stunned!

I'd seen enough, gripping my sisters hand in mine (she was clearly going through the same disturbing turmoil) we ran for our lives. It's only now that I have summoned the courage to write about it.



From the experience I have come to the conclusion that

THESE TOYS are the reason that kids of today are out of control! Barbie, her sisters, her picnic van and her monogomous boyfriend Ken were enough to turn me into a well rounded person; you can imagine the effect it would have had on me if i had played with the transvestite slag dolls that are available today.

In fact you can see it, by looking at the little cluster of sluts that hang around your local fair/Spar/McDonalds/street corner etc. The BRATZ are to blame.


I have included this picture as a metaphor for what the Bratz are doing to Barbie and her family -




Oh almighty Barbara,  if she were dead she'd be turning in her grave.


Reviews

Written by Phil (6435 comments posted) 3rd February 2007
A good an amusing first post. You might like to look at the poetry forum, late December I think - there were a spate of Barbie inspired pieces. 
 
On a serious side, it is also about the premature sexualisation of our children. 
 
Phil.

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 3rd February 2007
When I first saw your awful 'Bratz' graphic, I almost clicked off, I was so grossed out. Then I realized that you were as disgusted as I was by this repugnant image and I breathed a sigh of relief and finished reading. 
 
That last picture of the Barbie being eaten by a fish -- well, if you were my kid, I would be so proud. I can assure you that my own kids (15 and 12) will love it.  
 
Are you old enough to see 'Team America?' If you are and have not already seen this, I think you might enjoy it. It is very much a spoof, but the Bryce doll is obviously a rip off.  
 
A very good first post. What a shame that merchandisers are trying to take childhood away from kids just to make a profit.

Written by Snodlander (501 comments posted) 5th February 2007
I'm not sure Barbie is that innocent. Certainly not the Barbie my daughter had, tatooed and punked beyond recognition. Though that may be more a comment on my daughter. 
 
An enjoyable rant, though much of it was over my head. I too had often remarked on the sheer pinkness of the girlie aisle in Toys R Us. Though from the pictures you posted, the girls do look like tramps, and the boys seem... nice boys. Especially that sailor suit. Yum! 
 
On thing that did turn me off a tad, though, was the use of UPPERCASE words. I think, for instance, in the second para the "MOVE ya bitch" would have been more effective without the two uses of uppercase words that preceded it.

Written by johniebg (538 comments posted) 7th February 2007
I thought this was really really good and true. Like the use of the pictures especially the barbie caught in a fish's mouth. 
 
Can't really think of anything to offer constructuve criticism about. 

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