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Poetry
Tupping Time: ix (final)
Written by fellpony
04 February 2007
another farm poem, but more than that, I hope.


The ram is elemental in his strength,
stalking about the autumn’s work, his lip
lecherously curled as he tracks the ewes.
Who would suspect a beast of courtesy?
Yet watch his manners from the first approach
and delicacy is the ruling code –
soft his advances, till consent is given.

The world is full of knowing little minds
that twist and poison but that never speak.
The ram and his magnificence deride
their taint of shame, cut off from the deep well
of adult tenderness. Such secrecy
makes sex a monster, spoken of only
in whispers. How can whispers say,
because she does not lie or blush
my child of ten might not be innocent?

Hold me, my love, my strength, and let us make
our one safe haven with our children here
tending the sane, unknowing animals.


Reviews
Ram
Written by Fledermaus (3492 comments posted) 4th February 2007
I once had a girlfriend whose sign was aries. She was sweet, pretty and cute, but , but to call her tender or delicate... She wanted to be the best of the best at everything, and woe to anyone who dared to stand in her way. They were simply rammed aside, literally at the tennis court or in the dojo, verbally in the classroom. 
I never again met anyone with such a brilliant tactical mind and such an attitude. She was perfect and she knew it. 
 
An intersting poem, but I don't recognize the aries I once knew ;)
it's not ...
Written by fellpony (1725 comments posted) 4th February 2007
... about Zodiac signs.

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 4th February 2007
Again, for me, full of quality - but for once, I have an observation or two. 
 
I know it's central to the piece, but the repetition of dirty little minds in the second verse jumps out and jars a little. I was trying to work out if it was intended, and if it was, was it effective? Honestly? - Undecided.  
 
Also, and this is just a personal thing, it could even be grammatically incorrect, I'd have put a semi colon second verse, second line - before dirty. It just separates the two parts of the sentence. Some confusion: do they twist and poison dirty, petty, little minds, or do they also have dirty, petty, little minds. Again, the ambiguity could be what you wanted. 
 
Liked very much. Also gave me a little hint for my own. 
 
Phil.
thanks Phil
Written by fellpony (1725 comments posted) 4th February 2007
both good points and taken on board. 
 
Country matters!
Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 5th February 2007
As Billy Waggadagger would have put it.  
 
Lots to like about this poem - a strong message about the sleezification (my word) of sex, especially to youngsters. We can learn a lot about how we should live from other species I think. Also, the parental dilemma of how to approach the subject, and how to ensure that your offspring have a healthy attitude to sex, not a problem on my list thankfully! 
 
I more than agree with Phil, the repetition does jar with me & its something that I've often been picked up for, especially by professional writers, so I try to avoid it. Perhaps saying the same thing but in different words would even more effective? 
 
I think that the second last stanza is great - pulls it all together. 
 
Wonderful poem though, lovely! 
 
Oli :)

Written by ellipinnock (1790 comments posted) 11th February 2007
Poem of two halves for me. I loved the idea of using the ram as a contrast for society - really good concept for a piece. I was with you completely for the first two stanzas (little in the first line of the second stanza caught me on the first read - I thought childlike and and then realised that probably wasn't what you meant at all). 
 
I have a bit more of a problem with the last five lines - jmo - but I thought you trod too close to the Message becoming more important than the poem. It didn't quite become preachy but I did start to feel I was being lectured rather than being shown something insightful - which is how I felt about the rest of the piece. Not sure if that makes sense - again jmo - clearly wasn;t a problem for the others so feel free to disregard! 
 
Elli

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