This is intended to be a follow-on from my 'Everything Changes' script, following Ken's first night out since separating from Elsie.  As with the previous scripts, this is really just a bit of fun and is still really just me practising dialogue - and this is probably the silliest of the three scripts I've posted (you have been warned!)

KEN: Did you hear what happened to Kevin?

GEORGE: Kevin…remind me.

KEN: Kevin – you know, the guy who exposed himself to that woman at the cemetery.  Anyway…one hundred years, he got in the end.

GEORGE: (low whistle) Where’s he going?

KEN: Some castle up North I think.  They always need spare ghosts up there; I think the tourists expect it.  He’s got a pretty tough schedule by all accounts – heavy chains to carry round with him at all times, no breaks, you know the routine.  I think he’s got to meet some sort of quota as well…spook at least ten people every day, something like that.  Rather him than me, that’s all I can say…

GEORGE: Serves him right if you ask me – he always was a complete prat.  (Takes a long sip from his pint glass)  Anyway…how long has it been since you’ve done all this, then?

KEN:  Done what?

GEORGE: You know…gone out, had a few beers, pulled a bird or two…

KEN: (chuckles) It’s definitely been a while.  Come to think of it, I’m not sure I’ve ever really done anything like that.  I met Elsie and she just sort of took over I suppose.  Before I knew it, we were married.

GEORGE: Yep, me too.  Can’t tell you how much hassle I had trying to shake off Mary since I got here.  These women don’t realise do they…monogamy’s just not natural; especially when you’ve just found out you’re going to live forever.  I mean, who in their right mind’d get married when you know you’ll never be rid of them?  (Takes another long sip from his glass) Well that’s not happening this time, is it my friend? This time round, we’ll be in the driving seat.  Get ‘em young enough not to have learned all that nagging stuff…then on to the next one… (Rubs his hands together, grinning)

KEN: (listening intently to the music in the background) What is this rubbish they’re playing?

GEORGE: No idea mate…but it gets my vote – just look on that dancefloor.  Totty everywhere.

KEN: (watching Jane walk across the dancefloor) That one over there’s nice. 

GEORGE: (looks over) Very nice.  Go on then, you can have her if you like.

KEN: But she’s only got to be about twenty!

GEORGE: (shakes his head, puts his arm round Ken and slaps him on the back) Ken…Ken, my friend, don’t you remember the rules of this place.  We are ageless, remember?  We’re all equal now, don’t you worry about that!

KEN: (hesitantly) Yes, but I still look a lot older than her…

GEORGE: Come on mate; get this bollocks out of your head.  Besides, look around you, where’s the competition?  There’s that couple of boy racers over there – what a joke...most of those oiks get transferred sooner or later.  Go on, go for it! (Takes Ken’s pint and pushes him onto the dance floor.  Ken shuffles over towards Jane)

KEN:  Hello there…erm…come here often?

JANE: (smiles politely) Do I know you?

KEN: I don’t think so.  Can I get you a drink?

JANE: No, I’m OK thanks.  (confused)  Aren’t you Elsie’s husband?

KEN: Yes…well…no, actually…we’ve separated.

JANE: Oh, that’s such a shame.  She’s a lovely lady – been like a grandmother to me since I got here. Is she OK?  Oh, and I was friends with your granddaughter Claire, did Elsie tell you? 

KEN: Err…yes, she might have mentioned it.  (Waves at George) Oh, I think my friend wants me...I'd better get back to him...

KEN: (muttering to himself) This is going to take a lot of practice…

GEORGE: Honestly, you’re pathetic.  You need to watch the master at work now.  See you later…much later!  (winks at Ken, then strides confidently over to Jane and taps her on the shoulder)

GEORGE: Fancy a drink?

JANE: No, I’m OK thanks – I’ve got one.

GEORGE: (looking Jane up and down) I have to say love, you look absolutely stunning tonight.  Best looking girl in the place.

JANE: Haven’t I seen you with someone…Mary, isn’t it?

GEORGE: No need to worry about her love, we’re separated now.

JANE: (shocked) Separated?  Haven’t you read the rulebook?

GEORGE: (indignant) Course I did...

JANE: But didn’t you know…you’re not allowed to separate if you’re already married when you get here.  He takes a very dim view of people who go back on their marriage vows…you’ve made a binding contract. 

GEORGE: But…what about ‘til death do us part?’

JANE: Ah…that only counts if one of you gets transferred…  (Concerned) You’d better go and make it up with Mary; after all I’d hate to see you go the same way as poor old Kevin…

GEORGE: Did you say Mary and Elsie had gone to that Sinatra concert tonight?

KEN: I think so, yes.

GEORGE: Well drink up, we’d better get down there quick.  Grab some flowers as well…there’ll be some on that grave next to mine...  (Mutters to himself as they rush out of the nightclub) Those highlights were a bloody waste of time…

(Jane watches them leave and walks back over to her friend on the dancefloor)

JANE: That’s another two who won’t be bothering us again.  I tell you, how great is it that men never read instructions!  (Clinks glasses with her friend)