Chapter 38

As sat there on the sofa, her head resting on his shoulder, deep in thought, she was jolted back to reality by urgent cries from upstairs.  What she had to tell him would have to wait.  Little David had woken up, and was making his presence felt.  Sighing, she reluctantly got up, and made her way upstairs.  As she lifted the baby from his cot, she noticed how hot he was, and he fought against her embrace.  She thought back to when Rosie was tiny, and a sudden fear gripped her heart. She carried him downstairs, and sat on the sofa, desperately trying to comfort him.  Jon forced himself awake, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"What's going on?" he said, still not completely with it.  "What's the matter with him?"

"I don't know!" said Donna, trying to hide her fears  "but he feels really hot, and he doesn't like me holding him!  I think we should call the doctor!"

"What for?   He's probably just hungry!"

"I've tried that, but he doesn't want it!  He keeps turning his head away, and he seems really distressed.  Doesn't this all seem very familiar to you?  I've got a horrible feeling of deja vu..."

"No, Donna!  It can't be, not again..."

"I don't know!  That's why I want to call the doctor - just to make sure!  I'm sure she wouldn't mind, given the circumstances!"

They both sat there on tenterhooks, watching the baby like a hawk, following his every move.  After what had happened to Rosie, they were terrified that it was happening all over again - they hoped to God they would not have to go through that same hell for a second time.  Donna glanced at Jon, and saw the tears standing in his eyes.  Her heart ached for him, as she watched him, gently stroking the baby's forehead in a vain attempt to comfort him.  He began to sing softly to him, but his voice suddenly gave way, and his lips trembled as he fought to regain his self control.  Donna gripped his hand, in a gesture of silent comfort, while they waited for the doctor to arrive.  Suddenly, the doorbell rang, and Jon got up to answer it, glancing fearfully back at Donna, as he sent up a silent prayer.

"We're sorry to call you this late, doctor!" said Donna, as the doctor picked David up, gently touching his forehead.

"No need to apologise!" replied the doctor, smiling kindly at her.  "Always better to be safe than sorry, where a baby is concerned - they can't tell you how they're feeling, so it's not always that easy to work it out!"

She took out her thermometer, and held it under David's armpit, before taking it out and looking at it.  They were relieved to hear that his temperature was only very slightly raised, and nothing to worry about.  She gave him a thorough examination, before looking into his ears.

"There's the problem!" she said, as she gently handed him back to Donna.  "He has an ear infection - in both ears!  It's little wonder he was crying so much - earache is incredibly painful!  I'll prescribe some antibiotics, which you can get from the emergency chemist, and you can give him Calpol - a very small dose, for the pain!"

"Why the hell didn't we notice that?" said Jon.  It was the first time he had spoken since the doctor had arrived.  "We've called you out here for nothing!  We didn't mean to waste your time, it's just that after Rosie....."

"You thought it could be meningitis" said the doctor, putting a gentle hand on his arm.  "Well, I can assure you, he doesn't have it - it's just a simple ear infection - hence the high temperature, and the reluctance to be held."

"I don't think we could've gone through that again!" said Donna, holding David close, as he gradually fell quiet.  "We thought we were going to lose her...."

"Please, Donna!  I don't want to hear any more!"

"Why not?  It happened, didn't it?"

"Because it hurts!"

Realising his raised voice had caused Donna and the doctor to stare at him in surprise, he got up and ran upstairs, shutting himself in the bedroom.

"I'm sorry about that!" said Donna, looking slight embarrassed.  "I think he still blames himself for not noticing it earlier - he still thinks that if he'd noticed the rash sooner, she wouldn't have been so ill!"

"It would've made no difference!  There's no need to him to blame himself, it would've happened, no matter what he did or didn't do!  It's just one of those things!  Still, at least you know there's nothing seriously wrong with David, so you can rest easy, now!"

"Yes, I will!  Thank you for coming, doctor - I'll just see you out!"

As she lay in bed that night, having managed to settle David for the time being, she thought about what she had to tell Jon.  Aside from tonight's little scare, things had been back on an even keel lately, and he seemed so happy with life at the moment.  She was not even sure it was anything to worry about - what was the point in telling him if it was only going to upset him unnecessarily?  No, she decided, she would not tell him until she was sure.  He'd been through enough, one way and another, and she didn't want to spoil his happiness.  She turned over, and lay there just looking at him - he looked so peaceful, and a slight smile played around his lips, almost as though he were dreaming.  She placed a featherlight kiss upon his cheek, before resting her head against his shoulder, her body nestling against his.

For the next few days, she went through the motions, trying to pretend there was nothing wrong, for Jon's sake.  However, when Joanne visited with her little boy, she could keep it to herself no longer, and all her fears and frustrations came flooding out.  Joanne put a comforting arm around her shoulders, and tried to reassure her.

"You have to talk to him, Donna!" she said, her voice gentle.  "I think he deserves to know - how can he help if he doesn't?"

"We've been through so much lately, Joanne!"  Donna's voice was so quiet Joanne could hardly hear her.  "He seems so happy, almost as though he thinks it's too good to be true!  Anyway, it's probably nothing - what's the point in worrying him over nothing?"

"I thought you two told each other everything!" said Joanne, exasperated.  "He'll be really hurt if you don't tell him, Donna!  He'll wonder why you couldn't confide in him!  Please, promise me - you'll tell him!"

"Oh, I don't know!"

"Donna!"

"Okay, okay!  I'll tell him!  Happy now?"

"Of course not!  But it's the right thing to do, and you know it!"

Confident that she had convinced Donna to confide in her husband, Joanne changed the subject.  The time flew by, and before they knew it, it was time for Joanne to go home.  Once again, she made Donna promise her that she would talk to Jon.

"How many more times?" snapped Donna, losing patience.  "I'll tell him!"

On seeing her sister's hurt expression, she immediately apologised, saying she knew she only wanted what was best for her, and that she would tell him at the first possible opportunity.  A few days later, when Emily was at school, Rosie at pre-school, and the two smallest ones were asleep, she decided that would be the perfect chance to tell him.  Placing a cup of tea in front of him on the coffee table, she gave him that look - the one that always signified that she wanted to tell him something.

"Jon, there's something I wanted to say to you!"

"What is it?"

"Can I have a hug, first?"

He wrapped his arms around her, and held her close, wondering what on earth was going on.  After a few minutes, he could keep his silence no longer.

"Donna!  What's going on?  You don't normally ask me for a hug - you just attack me!"

"Well, I didn't want to attack you this time - I just wanted a hug, that's all!"

"Okay!" he said, a completely mystified expression on his face.  "Your wish is my command!  Now, what was it you wanted to say to me?"

"It's okay - it can wait for now!" she said, as David began to cry upstairs.  "It wasn't really important, anyway!"

"Are you sure?" he said, doubtfully.  "You don't seem yourself today!"

"I'm fine!" she insisted, gently ruffling his hair.  "I'm just tired, that's all!  I think I must be coming down with something!  When I feel under the weather, a hug from my little stud muffin always helps!"

"Nice to know I have my uses!" he said, his smile warming her heart.

As she climbed the stairs to attend to David, she thought of the expectant look on her husband's face when she said she wanted to talk to him, and she knew she just could not bring herself to tell him the truth, despite her promise to Joanne.  She would sort it out herself, in her own time - that way, Jon need never know.  She just could not tell him something that could cause him quite unnecessary pain.  A few days later, Joanne came to visit again, and the three of them sat at the kitchen table chatting, while the children played happily in the living room.  They were all talking about everyday things, and what was happening in their lives, when Joanne said to Donna:

"Well, what did the doctor say, then?"

"Doctor?" said Donna, momentarily mystified by her question.  "What do you mean - doctor?"

"You know!" replied Joanne, impatiently.  "about the lump in your breast!"

There was the sound of breaking china, as Jon's cup crashed to the floor.  He had gone as white as a sheet.

"Oh my God!" said Joanne, slowly, as it suddenly dawned on her.  "She didn't tell you!"