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Poetry
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She (sorta)
By Pixy_bizz
06 February 2007
This is my first go at this kinda stuf, and im just doing it ccoz im at home sick, tell me wht u think.... ohhh and also tell me who u think 'she' is/ or who she reminds u of.

If music is the food of love, within the soup of the night,
then she is most definitely a crouton.

Texture like the moon, silken, silver, slender,
undeniable as purity, emphasized with
subtleties. Omnipresent yet unobtainable,
She has a name, but no-one need hear it.

With dark eyes and a bright smile, she drifts away,
like a feather caught in a whirring gale, or is lost to us,
like tears in the rain.

The sickly sweet tincture of her magenta soul,
infatuating, intoxicating, alluring our minds to a point
where decisions are made, pivotal, catalystic, cataclysmic.

 

Her existence, mocking Tiresias, gushing with passion, and cohorting
with our desires, and allying herself with lust, twined like caduceus,

Thrusting our bundled self’s into the light.

 

Clouded with crimson, unthreatening and inviting, we are pulled out,
out to where we belong.

Reviews

Written by Marybarry (237 comments posted) 6th February 2007
I love poetry but the art of writing it eludes me. So I cannot comment on technicalities. 
 
BUT I loved your poem. gut instinct tells me you are A POET. 
 
Your use of language superb. 
 
REGRET I do not know who she is, I thought 
SHE is the air we breathe or 
 
The wind. 
 
Write on and long may you be ill if it means MORE of such poems. Marybarry

Written by Talisker (1300 comments posted) 6th February 2007
To start with a Shakespeare quote is a bit lame.  
 
To be honest, I was put off a bit by the phone-text nature of your introduction.  
 
You may be young, and you say you are a beginner, so I hesitated before giving a scathing review - but this is important to me. If I didn't review it honestly, or even not at all, what do you gain?  
 
The poem is a confused gobbledegook. This is a perfect example of "imitation" poetry. Try to include as many "big words" as you can, lots of atrocious, meaningless, overblown metaphors, masquerading as deep and meaningful verse. 
 
If you want to be a poet Pixy, concentrate on the basics. Good spelling, grammar, rhyme (if appropriate), rhythm, metre and real, down to Earth, meaningful topics. Don't waste your time with this claptrap. 
 
Oli :)

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3136 comments posted) 6th February 2007
I think I know who it is, there's a clue in the second line; it's Jade Goody.....No wait, you said crouton not cretin. Right ,well I'm afraid I havent a clue. I'm useless at these guessing games, really 
cheers 
J
is it
Written by fellpony (1507 comments posted) 6th February 2007
Charles Aznavour in drag?

Written by Pixy_bizz (3 comments posted) 6th February 2007
im loving the responses to this.

Written by Phil (6388 comments posted) 6th February 2007
Some mixed images here: 
 
Texture like a crouton/moon -toasted, dry and cratered - silken, silver, slender. Doesn't work for me. 
 
Oli makes a pretty good point I'm afraid. He might make it strongly, but I think he's right. 
 
Sorry. 
 
Phil 
 
PS: No idea who it could be.
(She) sorta
Written by CliffBowes (176 comments posted) 7th February 2007
Well Pixy, I hope you accept Oli's criticism with fortitude and carry on writing. I agree with his comments about your introduction in mobilese! Very year fiveish.  
Could this poem possibly refer to the late Diana, Princess of Wales?

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