Four shortish, very dark poems; you might see a relationship between these and the rollicking tune from Tebay Fell, or you might not. I'm going to post the depressing ones all in a bunch if you don't mind. Happier ones DO follow; I assure you.
Mad CowYou in your dressing gown beside the Rayburn,
drying your hair after an evening bath.
Silence was long but I was used to it.
You didn’t look at me. Suddenly, you said,
“We will stop farming. You don’t care for it.”
I am not physically iron-hard.
I have to plan, to see the tasks ahead
and which of them I can and ought to do.
I thought you liked it though; your anecdotes
full of amusement and your pride, your strength.
I thought we shared?
“I’m buying no more sheep. I’ll sell the cattle;
another Mad Cow scare – they’ll be worth nothing.
They’re going to the auction sale next month.”
You called the auction and arranged all that
and never asked me?
Didn’t even tell me? When did you decide?
Couldn’t you talk to me?
“We’ll rent the land out. Now, we’re losing money.”
You’ve taken out the ground beneath my feet.
Your final word.
You turned away, perhaps to hide
bitterness, anger, disappointment; that
I could not know unless you spoke to me.
Your back showed nothing that my brain could read.
Unanswered questions choked my power of speech.
Monologue“Are we having any tea tonight?”
You spend so long on unimportant things.“Have I got any socks for tomorrow?”
Horse training. Writing. Anything but household needs.“What time are you coming to bed?”
Night after night her characters share our sleep.
Does she make love to me or to them?
By the time she comes upstairs, I will be dreaming.
Duologue“Have you noticed I go out each day?”
I can’t tell you.“Do you know where?”
No.“Back to college. Computing.”
Garbage in, garbage out.“I’m doing what you do to me.”
Working.“Getting on with my life.”
My joints ache.“Not consulting you.”
I’m tired.
So They SayNever go back, they say. The platitudes
of people managers and marriage guides
buzz round my head. They say, “You can’t change Them.
It’s no good wishing, weeping, panting:
you can only change you. If you go back,
They will not have changed, for all your wanting.”
Mother“How can he let you plod, day after day,
running the place, no holidays, no fun?
Only a working wife, a doormat-drudge.
Past it, that's what your father said of me.
They kill your love with what they say and do.
You needn’t stay with him, my dear; go free."
Married friends"We’re glad that you can’t read our minds; kindly,
we conceal our inner thoughts. We all
are his friends too; support, yet grieve for you,
as soldiers aching for a wounded pal;
we want to make you happy and care-free.
You call him foolish, undeserving, mad;
whatever you might say, we would agree."
The unmarried friend
"I can’t guess. It may be he’s just tired, or ill.
He drives all hours, he doesn’t spare himself.
He’s getting older, and a working man
seldom admits his well of strength’s run dry.
He’s probably depressed; men never know
how they should ask for help, and they can’t cry."
SelfNo spinster should give seasoned wives advice.
I don’t want truth. My parent’s bitterness
And friends’ concern both soothe my puzzled heart.
Withdraw from contact, battle on in silence
is our family rule, contracting to the shell
when hurt. Our tongues are wounding so we shut
padlocks on our lips which hurt more still.
When he comes home from friends, I see
they’ve stiffened him as well; he is more grim
and starkly wordless than he was before.
You won’t change him, they say. I daren’t change me.
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Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 7th February 2007 |
| Read, will return. |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 7th February 2007 |
Back.
I guess you have some kind of plan how all these fit together - and these are clearly an important stage. They don't represent a pretty stage and this is reflected in the lack of beauty (not quality) in the verse.
First impressions: First - very prose like. A good (but difficult) domestic picture is painted.
Second: Liked the interplay.
Third: I find it pretty cold, disspirited, resigned.
I've found these hard. Not in understanding, they're straight forward enough - but in appreciation. Everything I've read of yours to now has touched me somehow or other and I've admired it greatly.
Perhaps it's the personal nature of this that left me on the outside. I think that's the best way to describe my feelings after reading these. I feel outside of them.
Maybe that's a deliberate to reflect the emotion in the work.
Sorry if this sounds negative, probably reflects more on me than you.
Phil.
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Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 7th February 2007 |
| Sorry, I lumped two and three together (above) as the second. |
Written by Marybarry (237 comments posted) 8th February 2007 |
Well I found a sad beauty in these poems.
They say in Germany, men grow older, women just grow.
When there is a need for mental growth in a woman, the man just cannot keep up ,or he ridicules his partner in the hope of appearing superior.
But women who have seen through these games keep growing or wilt and die inside.
I love men but then I never married one
marybarry |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 8th February 2007 |
Now I'm all out of order with this sequence! A few thoughts for what they're worth:
Mad cow - I thought this very powerful emotionally - lots of anger and bitterness and it stuck in my head. I think it has to go under prose poem but then if that is what you were aiming for there's no problem!
Monologue - Possibly my favourite of the three. Sums up the negative subtext underneath the mundane household business very well. Thought it very clean and precise. Only niggle is the last line - didn;t quite fit for me. Possibly because when she comes upstairs surely he is dreaming rather than actually having that particular internal comment - if that makes sense.
Duologue - Again powerful - slight overlap in content with the previous piece perhaps but not that much. Last line was very telling. As a poem - I don't know but it had an impact.
Divorced - funny because this is the most structured and 'poetic' of the pieces but it was the one I liked the least. I found it - not cliched as such, perhaps overly sentimental? I hate to criticise content given that these are based on personal experience but it almost felt like a traditional, expected result - not enough of the uniquely personal. So I found it more difficult to connect with emotionally - but then I'm amazed that you can write abut this stuff at all, it must have been incredibly painful at the time.
Hope this is helpful ratehr than rambling. Fascinating insights.
Elli |
Hi Sue
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 8th February 2007 |
These are of that personal, introspective nature - as Phil says, its hard to put oneself in your head and heart - your life experiences are unique and so are these poems.
I suppose I can comment on the artistic side, as I see it. The first three remind me of those "what he is saying vs what he is really thinking" cartoons. About the duality of conversation and the compromises of relationships. They read perfectly well, you are an erudite, eloquent and demonstrably intelligent lady. However, they are of the "selfish" variety, I know that type of poem, for I've written more than my fair share. The question is "what does a reader take away from these? The may be cathartic and even necessary for the writer, but ultimately foreign to the reader.
The last little poem is different for me. It is sad and even tragic, but more open and universal in its theme. I think many will relate to it. That doesn't mean that it is intrinsically better than the other three of course, its all subjective anyway.
To sum up, all very worthy, first three particularly personal and introspective, last one a nice little wrist-slasher.
Oli  |
feedback
Written by fellpony (1616 comments posted) 8th February 2007 |
is most important for me, for these four poems. They are indeed extremely personal, and I thank all of you who have taken the trouble to review such tricky material.
Without these poems the last few (to come) would lose their impact; without the preceding ones, these poems would only be personal miseries, and the preceding ones might even have less meaning themselves. To miss them out would probably make the whole series somewhat mundane.
They were the most difficult to write, hence the spareness of the first three. I didn't want to go into petty detail which would probably distance readers too much. The last, Divorced, was written first and the others pretty recently, looking back to show why it was written.
I expected difficulties in getting the emotions, or lack of them, through and am relieved that some at least are making sense to you, and that readers are liking and disliking different things and different poems.
I am reassured to see people are reading and reviewing these four, particularly as the final sequence is not yet up and you can't see how far there is to go (not far). Having reached this low point, I hope the final poems will be worthwhile. Can I reassure you, you've had all the miserable ones now!
Once again, thanks. |
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