|
|
|
print friendly version
|
|
ID in the absence of me, you, ego |
|
|
By jsyingling
|
|
08 February 2007 |
I've been painting to get over this girl I loved. Alizarian Crimson is made from crushed beetles. Kind of strange.
I. After the blood loss, I injected my chest with thick oil paint. Alizarian Crimson for oxygenated and Cobalt Blue for venous. I thought someone might want to paint a picture with my earthly remains so I took a shot of Cadmium Yellow with a turpentine chaser so the mortician could paint with this world's whole spectrum at his brushtips. II. Before you (and us) I think maybe I was an artist And now, after you (and us) I'm artwork. Out of context, framed without you, nailed to a museum wall, with a plaque to tell the casual standerby who I am, in life, art, love (and us). III. "Me" ca. 2005-2007 oil on flesh, blood on canvas, ink on lips, toes, thighs, knees, penis, fingertips, heart. Made possible with a grant from You (and Us) |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 8th February 2007 | I found this a clever poem -- an artistic version of the 'Poor, poor pitiful me' song. It's been so long since I split up with anyone that I cannot commiserate with you properly other than to say what no one in your position really wants to hear: 'You'll get over it.' Actually, you probably won't get over it 100%, but you'll pretty much forget it, which is almost as good.
Meanwhile, keep up the good writing. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3298 comments posted) 8th February 2007 | Yup Witzl is right you will never get over it, you'll have a miserable life and die of consumption. I think failed love affairs are responsible for most poetry along with the "beauty" of nature, and this is a good example. Actually it's one of the better ones as you gone to a bit of trouble with it. If you really want artistic immortality have your ashes used as a glaze and fired on a pot,then it can be posted to her, job done
cheers
J |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 8th February 2007 | Oh I love the idea of using your ashes to glaze a pot! Quite liked the content of this but the structure makes it very hard work to read. The lines seem very short and I personally don't think it's necessary.
some nice imagery, liked the second two parts best. Interesting but I really would think about the structure.
Elli |
Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 8th February 2007 | Not my type of poem at all, but despite that I quite liked it.
I too like the glaze idea.
Phil. |
Written by fellpony (1580 comments posted) 8th February 2007 | | Clever ideas and concisely put - though I'm with Elli about the short lines. Could be concatenated into a layout that's 50% shorter on the page/screen. They are probably strong enough to stand it. |
Written by Talisker (1321 comments posted) 9th February 2007 | Quite clever, but not the sort of thing which floats my boat really, too abstract, too pretentious, a metaphor stretched far beyond breaking point.
The very thought of your inky penis has put me off my Friday breakfast too.
Oli
|
Written by francoise (129 comments posted) 9th February 2007 | yup.. the inky penis was abit too much information for me.. but i can see this poem really hitting a nerve in readers experiencing a similar kind of despair. A great metaphor of body and art, but like Talisker I did feel it was verging on the pretentious. Perhaps its only because of that particular combination of despair and art. I think this poem would be alot more accessible with a better choice of image, not so "arty" perhaps alittle more personal, using fragments of the everyday.. but then i guess it would be a completely different poem in that case!
fran |
Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 10th February 2007 | I really liked these, some great ideas. Very effective and very different. There is a rawness to them which I think works really well.
Great stuff.
Best wishes. I hope things work out for you.
E
|
Only registered users can rate and write comments.
Please login or register. Powered by AkoComment 2.0! |
Previous item
