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Non-Fiction
What's in a name?
By Snodlander
09 February 2007
A while since I told of my daughter's relationships.  I think she's avoiding me for some reason

My Darling Daughter came home last weekend.  So did wimp-boy, though I hardly saw him.  Circumstances conspired to keep us apart.  Or maybe it wasn’t circumstance.  Maybe it was wimp-boy.

On Friday afternoon, before she went out clubbing in Maidstone with her ex-school friends, we chatted.  The Missus is concerned.  She thinks Number One Child is far too blasé about the forthcoming nuptials.  It is, after all, a scant seven months away, and there is so much to do.  She wants to give her every assistance, but she doesn’t want to seem to be taking over the event.  Number One shrugged.  Sure.  If she wanted to organize stuff, that’s fine.  Whatever.

Some weeks earlier, as news of the wedding trickled through to me (I am, after all, merely the bankroller), Grace had talked about names.  They were going to double-barrel themselves.  Simms-Wood.  It sounded to me like the name of a gated community.  ‘Spend your golden years in the peace and tranquillity of Simmswood’.

This whole changing names thing has always seemed to me to be a bizarre tradition.  I just could not imagine myself with a different surname.  It is part of my identity.  Part of me.  When we were engaged, I told The Missus-to-be that if she wanted to keep her surname, that would be fine by me.  She said that, no, she was fine taking my name.  A couple of days later I found a piece of paper with her new signature practiced over and over again.  It seemed she was actually keen to be Mrs Me.  How odd.

So on this Friday afternoon, as we discussed halls and menus and cakes and flowers, Darling Daughter happened to mention names again.  They had changed their minds.  They were not going to double-barrel their name.  Instead, wimp-boy was going to take her name.

“But it was Steve’s idea”, she said.  “Steve wants you to know that.  He’s not doing it because I told him to.”  They seem to be under the mistaken opinion that this would make him seem less of a wimp in my eyes.  That if he wanted to take on the role of bride, that makes him more macho than if he was ordered to.

“What does his Mum think about that?” I ask.  There is no love lost between wimp-boy’s parents and Grace.  What they would think of their son surrendering his family name to this harlot that had seduced him away from them I dreaded to think.

“He hasn’t told her yet.”  (And as I write this, he still hasn’t)

So Sunday was spent in a flurry of phone calls to hotels and halls (“You mean August this year?”), Monday onwards to florists and bakers and caterers (“Could you do a vegan meal for forty?... Hello?”) and car hire and DJs and candlestick makers and almost every other trade in Yellow Pages.  The Missus is in a happy haze of panic.  Number One child answers desperate phone queries on exactly what bouquet arrangements she wants with “Whatever.  You decide.”  I merely sign off the deposits.

But, in the late hours, when all is quiet and still, I furtively sit at the PC.  Smiling.  Planning.  Crafting.  After all, it’s traditional.  Practically the law.  My big contribution to the day.

The Father of the Bride speech.

Mwuuuuhahhhahahaha!

Reviews
Blame it on the booze.
Written by Marybarry (237 comments posted) 9th February 2007
Dont hold that speech Snoddy, not if you want to see your grandchildren. 
 
Sorry Will," A wimp by any other name is still a wimp" 
 
 
 
Trinny :sigh :sigh :x Thats you when the missus is finished with you.

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3569 comments posted) 9th February 2007
An amusing read. It all sounds suitably hectic. I'm glad they decided against double -barreled names. I mean if they did it and later their child married someone else with double barreled name they could have quadro-barreled name; then octo and then....we you get the picture.Can you imagine the telephone directory 
cheers  
J [if I could operate those bloody green faces it would be a laughing one]

Written by Phil (6963 comments posted) 9th February 2007
Yep, enjoyed. When it's all over, you'll have to post your speech - the one you read and the bits you had to leave out. 
 
Phil.

Written by teddy (240 comments posted) 10th February 2007
Perhaps you should post the speech here for some impartial advice before the Big Day, not after as Phil suggested. As long as you remember not to refer to the wimp-boy as the wimp-boy you should be alright though. 
I really liked this, it was quite funny.  
 
Teddy 
 
P.S. would look forward to read the speech if you decided to share it with us.  

Written by Clifftown (642 comments posted) 20th February 2007
Echo the sentiments that you should post the speech here when it's finished! Another great read - and I know just what you mean about a surname being part of you. When I got married I had a huge row with my husband-to-be because I didn't want to take his name, it felt like I was losing my identity in a way. 
 
Please keep us updated with the wedding plans!

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